Changed
by EbbieBlack
Summary: set after the 2007 movie. Three of the brothers have forgiven or come to an understanding...but one remains apart.
1. First Confrontation

_Disclaimer:_ _This is a blanket disclaimer for the whole story, they are not mine._

Changed

_It's been a month since Leo's return to his family. Two weeks since the defeat of the stone generals and Winters mortality returning._

_Three of the four had come either forgiven or reached a new understanding, but one remained apart from his brothers._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Donatello could do little more than stare at the brother standing in his doorway.

"Donatello, you will answer the question," Leo demanded as he stepped further in the room.

Don shook his head, trying to make sense of the current situation. Not five minutes ago, he had been sitting here trying to repair Mikey's broken, yet again, shell cell when Leo stormed in.

Now Don's own anger was beginning to rise. 'Who the hell does Leo think he is?' Don thought to himself, 'he disappears into the jungles of South America, doesn't write, doesn't let us know he still alive and then he comes back and acts like nothings happened! Now he's demeaning to know why I let Raph become the Nightwatcher?! As if I had any control over Raph what so ever.'

"Do you honestly think if would've listen to me if I told him to stop or that I knew he was Nightwatcher. Just what the hell do you think he would have done!" He couldn't keep the hint of anger out of his voice as he responded to Leo before turning back to the broken shell cell.

"That's exactly what I mean. Why didn't you know about it?"

Donatello stiffened at the tone of Leo's voice. He turned ever so slowly to face his brother again. His eyes narrowed, his fists clenched as he spoke softly,

"Maybe it was because I was too busy doing everything else around here! Not only did I have to do my job of maintenance of the lair, the security system, the vehicles, fix every little thing that breaks, be a doctor, work my IT Tech job to pay for food and medicine but I also had to try and keep Mikey and Raph from killing one another, play nursemaid to Splinter, and do YOUR JOB AS LEADER!" he was yelling at this point, "DO FORGIVE ME FOR MISSING THAT ONE LITTLE DETAIL, FEARLESS LEADER!"

Those last two words were said with such malice that Leo almost thought he was speaking to Raph.

Before he could speak, Don continued. He had let his anger free and was not about to stop until all of it was out,

"YOU disappeared. YOU didn't write, YOU didn't even let us know if YOU were ok or if YOU were even alive. But you don't care about those facts do you. The only facts you care about are the ones prove I failed as Leader."

Leo waited a beat to see if Don had finished his little rant before speaking, "Don I'm not saying you failed as a leader. All I'm saying is that any good leader would've known what was going on with Raph."

By now Don was standing, his normally calm brown eyes were almost coal black. His body was quivering it was so tense. His fists were so clenched so tight, they were white.

"Get out." Don spoke softy.

"Don, I…" Leo suddenly realized what he had just said and implied.

"Just leave Leo"

"Not until…"

".LEONARDO!"

"Don…" he didn't get a chance as he suddenly found himself flying backwards.

Leo crashed to the floor as the door to Donatello's room slammed shut.

"Dude" Leo heard Mikey say as he raised himself into a sitting position. He couldn't believe what just happened.

"Leo, you ok bro?" Mikey asked.

Leo remained as he was staring at Don's door.

---

"Dude Raph, you missed it." Mikey said as he saw Raph leap down from his room, "Donnie kicked Leo out of his room"

"So?"

"No, you don't get it, Donnie 'kicked" Leo out of his room, literally."

"You expected me to believe that brainiac just kicked 'ninja master' Leonardo out of his room literally."

"Yeah dude. Ask Leo if you don't believe me. He's still sitting where he landed on the floor." Mike said as he turned back to his movie.

Shaking his head at Mikey, he turned to go to the kitchen, only to see Leo sitting on the floor a good 15-feet from Don's door.

"Yo, Leo. Ya ok?" he asked coming up behind his brother.

Leo remained mute and still as though not comprehending what just happened.

"Leo?"

Raph snapped his fingers in front of Leo trying to get his attention.

Leo turned to Raph as if seeing him for the first time.

"He…he…"Leo stuttered.

"Leo, snap outta it"

"He kicked me. Don just literally kicked me out of his room."

Raph stood, wondering what in the hell was going on Don.


	2. Mistakes and Questions

Chapter 2 

Leo sat at the kitchen table trying to figure out what the hell just happened. He had gone to Don's room to just talk to the purple banded turtle about what had happened while Leo was gone.

He knew things had happened because Mikey and Raph were both ignored to point by Don and when he spoke to Leo it was in that calm detached voice he used on his most annoying calls from the hotline.

He had asked both Raph and Mike what had happened, but both remained closed mouth. Although both had looks of guilt every time he questioned them.

But as he stood there waiting for his brother to acknowledge him standing in the doorway, he felt anger beginning to stir. He had left and Don had promised to look after the others.

By the time Donatello had spoken to him, he was angry.

So instead of calmly talking to quiet brother, he demanded answers to his questions that no one would answer. He played the leader card rather than the big brother card.

That was mistake number one, he thought to himself.

Mistake number two was not listening to what his brother had said and realizing Don was really angry.

Actually, realizing to himself, mistake number one was not realizing just how angry Don was at the start of the conversation. Every member of the family knew you do not mess with Don when he is actually mad.

Don hardly ever got that mad, but when he does you stay out of his way. Raph had been the first to learn that little lesson. Leo smiled just a little as he remembered how quickly that lesson was learned.

_Don was tired and in a bad mood. All he had done the last three days was play repair turtle for his family. As soon as he fixed one thing, he had two more to replace it._

_Sighing, he stood and stretched. His joints popped, a sure sign he had been working to long._

_Making his way to the TV center, he wanted just 30 minutes to relax. It wasn't to much ask, was it, he thought to himself._

_Before he even made it out of his lab, Raph appeared._

"_Had a little trouble with some dragons" was all he said as he handed Don what used to be a shell cell, only now it looked as if some one ran over it with a truck and walked towards the TV center._

_Something in Don snapped. He crushed what remained of Raph's shell cell, in his hand and let out an angry yell. Every thing in the lair froze as all eyes turned to Donatello. _

_Without warning, he grabbed his bo and threw it like a javelin, straight into the TVs. The bo was thrown with enough force to cause the center to crash backwards. _

_Glass shattered, various TVs exploded as they all stood there in shock._

_Don stalked over to the dojo, muttering curses and swearing as he went, that put even Raph's normally foul language to shame. They could hear him as he began pummeling the punching bag._

_Nobody asked Don to fix anything for a while after that incident._

Shaking his head, he went back to figuring out what went wrong.

His third mistake had been to imply to Don that he didn't think he was a good leader.

His last mistake had been to underestimate his brother's anger. When he suddenly found himself on the floor, outside of Don's room, he realized his last mistake. What was even more shocking was that Don had struck him in anger and that had never happened before.

Wincing slightly as he shifted in his chair, as the guilt came. He wasn't one that spoke without thinking, that was Raph, but somehow he opened his mouth and words just flew out. He rubbed his hands up and down on his face, before setting his elbows on the table and leaning his forehead against his hands.

"You ok Leo" Mikey asked as he slid into the chair across from Leo.

"Fine. Why do you ask"

"No reason, other than what just happened…" Mikey trailed off, not wanting to have two angry brothers to deal with.

"Mike, what the hell happened while I was gone."

Leo looked up at his youngest brother when he didn't responded.

When Leo caught his eye, he knew he had to answer, "Nothing dude. Me and Don got jobs, Splinter never left his room other than for the few training sessions we had and his soaps, and well you already know what Raph was doing."

"That's not what I meant Mike and you know it. I know what you all were doing, but what the hell happened to you guys?"

"I don't get what you mean, Leo?" Mikey asked not making eye contact.

"I want to know what happened between you and Donnie. You guys were inseparable before I left. Raph and Don would at least talk some of the time. Don't think I haven't notice that he doesn't talk to you guys, not that he ignores you, but it's getting awfully close to that."

Mikey looked back to Leo. His eyes were guilty and sad.

"Mikey what happened?" Leo asked softly.

Before Mike could respond, a still very pissed-off purple-banded turtle walked in.

Ignoring both turtles, he crossed to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of water and made to leave again. Stopping only briefly to remind them of practice in five minutes, before disappearing into the dojo.

When Leo turned back to Mikey, he saw the tears gathering in his eyes as his brother watched the other leave.

It was then that Mikey finally gave him an answer to his question,

"He didn't know how to be a leader and a brother…" he paused to take a breath,

"And we never let him forget that he wasn't you."


	3. What's Wrong

Chapter 3 What's Wrong 

Splinter was in meditation when Don entered the dojo. He bowed, then made for the punching bag. Hopefully he could work all this anger out before practice began.

Splinter heard the thuds of someone hitting the punching bag. He knew one of his sons had entered and from the anger coming of the turtle in waves, he assumed it was Raphael.

He was surprised to find, however, Donatello. His quiet son was so focused that he didn't see his brothers enter or their looks of shock at seeing him like this. He himself had never seen Donatello quite this angry before. It was as though he couldn't get rid of the angry that had him in its grasp.

Normally, it only took him a little a while to calm down, but nothing he did worked. Sure he could push it back down after some concentration, but it only came back worse.

'I've got to do something' Don thought to himself 'before I hurt someone.'

Raph, Mike and Leo could only look at one another as Don continued to pummel the punching bag. Mike and Raph shared a guilty glance that didn't escape Leo.

But Leo filed it away for later. Right now he was thinking about what Mike had just said.

"_He didn't know how to be a leader and a brother…" he paused to take a breath "And we never let him forget he was you."_

Leo couldn't get that last sentence to stop replying in his head.

When Splinter called the practice to a start, Don stood slightly away from his brothers. Not a noticeable distance, but it was enough for Splinter to catch. After warm-ups and katas, he had them spar with one another. Pairing Raphael with Michelangelo and Leonardo with Donatello.

Splinter missed the angry glare Donatello hid by lowering his head. He had Michelangelo and Raphael begin, as Leonardo knelt next to him on one side and Donatello on the other.

Splinter knew that Donatello was not watching his brothers. He was concentrating on his breathing. He was slowly taking deep breaths and releasing them, almost as if he was…

Splinter called an end to the match as Raphael disarmed and pinned his brother to the floor.

Leonardo and Donatello took their positions in the center of the room. Bowing to one another they took their fighting stances.

When Leo made eye contact with Don, his breath caught. Don's eyes were different. Gone were the calm, understanding brown eyes. Instead cold, calculating black eyes stared back at him with a hard glint.

Leo swallowed slightly, he was nervous he realized. Hell, if he cared to admit it, he was down right scared. He was scared of Don.

He didn't have time to think anymore as Donatello attacked. Normally Don was a defensive fighter. That wasn't the case right now.

His blows were hard and directed. There wasn't a wasted motion. Every attack had another attack right behind it. It was all Leo could do to keep up his defense.

Never had Don attacked like this, not even in battle.

Don faked an attack high and then swept Leo's feet. Knocking him to the floor. He planted one foot on his brother's chest and placed the end of his bo on Leo's windpipe.

Splinter called the match.

"Dude" was the only thing heard as Don released Leo. He didn't offer Leo a hand to get up, instead bowed and returned to the sidelines for a drink.

Leo stood up slowly. Glancing at his brothers and Splinter.

They were all somewhat in shock. Don had just beaten Leo.

That hadn't happened since they were just learning weapons, and were working with bos. Don had beaten them all regular when they were younger when they worked with the bo, but it had been many years since Don had beaten Leo.

In fact he had never beaten Leo since Leo learned to weld the katanas.

Splinter called an end to the session and left the dojo. Don made to follow him out,

"Don" Leo called.

He stopped in the doorway, but didn't turn.

Raph and Mike decided to stay where they were for now.

"Talk to me. What's wrong" Leo asked.

Don's hand s clenched and unclenched as Leo spoke,

"You want to know what's wrong Leo" he spoke so softly the other three in the room almost didn't hear him.

"Yes."

"Why should I bother telling you. Or Raph. Or Mikey what's wrong. You never listen anyways."

"What do you mean Donnie."

"None of you have ever listened to thing I have ever said. You all stand there and act like you're listening, but you're not."

"Don…"

"You weren't listening earlier, so why should I bother repeating myself."

"Just tell me one more time, please."

Don shook his head and made to leave again. Leo tried one more time.

"I want to know where my calm, understanding brother went. I want to know where the Donatello that could talk to me about anything. Where's the Donatello that never got angry about the little things, the one who would never strike his brother in anger went. I want him back. Where did he go?";

"That Donatello is gone. He disappeared when you left. And if you want to know why he left, ask _your_ two brothers over there."

With that Don left the dojo.

Leo watched him leave, before turning to Raph and Mike. Mikey was looking at the floor and Raph had already gotten up and was currently working the punching bag.

Knowing his brothers, he left them for now and went to speak to Master Splinter.

"Enter" Splinter called out.

Leo entered his master bedroom, bowing before kneeling in front of him.

"What troubles you my son."

"Master, I'm worried about Donatello. He's been so angry these last few weeks."

"I too have noticed that Donatello has become locked in this anger."

"What should be I should I do Sensei? Don wont talk to me, he basically ignores all of us. He has accused us of not listening when I asked what was wrong"

Splinter sat thinking for a moment.

"Have you spoken to Raphael or Michelangelo about this."

"I've tried Sensei, but much like Donatello they don't answer my questions, either."

"Perhaps the problem causing Donatello's anger lies with what he had said and in the questions your brothers wont answer."

"Master?"

"Leonardo, when you speak to your brothers about this issue, are you speaking to them as their brother or as their leader?"

Leo lowered his eye as he thought.

"My son, you have spent a long time apart from us your family and perhaps you need to learn how they have changed much like how they are learning about how you have changed."

"Yes Sensei." Bowing again Leonardo left his father's room. Only to here yelling coming from kitchen.

"What the hell is your problem Don?" Raph yelled at his younger brother.

He had come in here to talk to Don and apologize about things, but instead found himself fighting with him.

"What do you care Raphael"

Don was really mad. He only used full names when he was really mad.

"What do you mean what do I care? Of course I care, I'm your brother."

"That's funny coming from you, Nightwatcher."

"Now listen here you little…"

Don didn't let him finish,

"I wasn't the one running around the city playing vigilante every night, I wasn't the playing hero and endangering his life every night because he couldn't deal and I wasn't the one off traipsing through some god forsaken jungle."

Don said turning to Leo standing in the archway. He was speaking so softly now, that they realized Don wasn't just really angry. He was pissed.

"I was the one tried to keep his family together. I was the one who had to deal with every problem that came up. It was me that had to take care of Splinter when he was sick. It was me that never got any slack or help. I had to do everything. To try and keep everything together while the **TWO OF YOU PLAYED HERO**!"

"You, Splinter and Mikey expected me to step up and fill in for Leo while he was gone. But you wouldn't give me a chance. I'm not Leo. **I'm Donatello**. But none you could ever figure that out for some reason."

"And you waltz out of here, completely disappear. Never wrote, never send word that you're ok. Only to waltz right back in here, and act like nothing ever happened. Do have any idea what it did us not to hear from you. What it did to Mikey, thinking his big brother might never come back. To watch Splinter draw into himself and away from us. I had no one to turn to. No one to help me, offer me support." He got quiet as he said that last part; the anger disappeared from his eyes as he bowed his head.

"Just leave me alone guys."

With that Don ran to his room. His door shut quietly after him.

Leo turned back to Raph.

Much like himself, Raph was at a loss about what to do.

"Leave him alone guys" Mikey said crossing to them, "Don will talk when he wants to. Let's just go on patrol, give Don some time to cool off."

"Ok Mike." Leo said, before Raph could argue, he continued, "We'll talk to Don when we get back."


	4. Not Again, Never Again

Chapter 4 Not Again, Never Again 

As they raced across the rooftops, each brother was lost in their own thoughts. Each thinking about the brother that had become so distant and remained at the lair. They were so distracted they didn't notice the Elite ninjas that were following them.

Leo stopped once he landed. Raph and Mikey both stopped when they reached their brother.

"Guys what happened while I was gone? What did mean when he said to ask you two where the real him went?"

Mike and Raph shared a glance. Neither wanted to be the one to tell this story. With a sigh Mike and Raph both turned back to Leo. Just as Mike was about to speak. A noise caught their attention.

All three pulled out their weapons, the Elite appeared.

"Oh man," Mikey whined," I thought we already got rid of these clowns."

"Shud up Mike" Raph growled.

Leo didn't say anything as he stared at the Elite. He had a bad feeling.

AT THE LAIR

Don was still fuming as he sat at his desk working. His anger had returned as he entered his room but was slowly disappearing as he worked on the camera.

He was hoping these cameras could be used to keep taps on the Foot and the Dragons. They were small and easy to hide, but could only record for short periods of time.

He didn't want to risk the chance of someone tracing a signal, so he was trying to program them to record for a set period of time. The longest trial yet was about five hours.

He was concentrating on the camera so much, he didn't hear his shell cell ringing right away.

Sighing, he answered with out stopping his work.

"What Mi.."

"DONNIE! HELP!"

"MIKEY!"

"Elite ambush… Raph hurt…"

"Where are you guys?"

"Fifth and…"

"Mikey! MIKEY! Answer me Damn it"

Silence

Dropping his work, he grabbed his bo and bag. Stopping only to grab his med kit out of the infirmary and was out the door.

As he ran his mind began to fill with all sorts of terrible images. Remembering the future he was sent to, he shook his head clear. Now was not the time to fall apart. Not yet anyways. Once he reached the rooftops, he pulled out his shell cell and called April.

"Don…"

"April no time. The guys got ambushed. Get the Battleshell and Casey. Track my shell cell from there." He didn't give her time to respond as he hung up as soon as he finished speaking.

As he raced across the rooftops the images he had earlier shook off came back. He once again pushed them out of his mind when he heard the sounds of a battle ahead.

He arrived just as one of the Elite knocked Leo to the ground. The Elite raised their weapons, intending on finishing off the turtles once and for all.

"NOOOOOO" Don screamed as he landed on the rooftop. His brothers remained motionless. The image mixed with ones of them laying dead after the defeat of the Shredder in the future he was sent to.

Something snapped inside Don. Gone was the cool, rational turtle who hated fighting; in his place stood an enraged turtle whose eyes were cold and showed an icy fire burning within.

"You wont take my brothers from me again." He spoke softly as he stared the Elite down. He dropped his bag, pulled out his bo and with a mighty roar he leapt.

The four Elite hesitated slightly. This turtle had scared them. Although they knew the blue-banded one was the warrior of the four, they had always tried to avoid the purple one. He fought with a calmness that was unnatural but his eyes held a promise that none wanted to face.

They were about to face that promise.

However they outnumbered the turtle four to one. After that slight hesitation they fought back.

Donatello didn't think, didn't feel, he just acted. His mind empty of every thing but his brothers.

The Elite got in some shots early in, but Don never even felt the blows.

_Mikey calling out to him as he fell to the Karai-bots._

One Elite fell as Don crushed his skull.

_Leo falling after Karai killed him with his back turned._

A second Elite fell as Don swept his feet out from under him. Flipping over him, Don picked up one of Raph's sais and plunged it into the man's throat. He stood and faced the last two.

Twilling his bo, he charged.

His bo snapped in half under the pressure from his attackers' weapons.

_Raph calling out to Leo as he fell next to his brother, dead._

The third Elite fell as Don impaled him with the broken bo

Don picked up Leo's katanas and faced the last of the Elite. His breathing harsh, his hand flexed on the hilts of the katanas.

The two remained motionless, Don could hear his heat beating. He stood waiting. The Elite charged him. Don met the attacks blow for blow. The Elite slashed his shoulder, but Don didn't notice.

Don and the Elite locked weapons and eyes. The Elite got lucky and knocked him backwards. He was slightly dazed from hitting his head against the rooftop, but was on his feet in an instant.

_His brothers laying unmoving on the rooftop._

With a feral growl he raced at the man. His attacks were faster than before. He knocked the weapon from the Elite and plunged Leo's katanas into the man. The Elite sagged against him until he pushed him back and removed the katanas.

He used the Elite's shirt to clean the blades. He took a few deep breathes, before rushing to his brothers. He heard the rumble of the Battleshell in the street below.

After assessing his brothers' injuries, he ran back to his bag for the med kit.

They all had numerous bruises and cuts.

Mikey had a large gash on his head and several more on his arms. His left arm was broken.

Raph's left shoulder was dislocated, and there was a large gash aross that dame shoulder.

Leo's right leg was broken and his plastron was cracked near the top. He wouldn't be surprised to find some of Leo's ribs cracked or broken. There wasn't any thing he could do about that right now.

Using his broken bo, he splinted Leo's leg. He popped Raph's shoulder back in, luckily Raph remained unconscious, only groaning slightly as Don treat him. He used Mikey's nunchucks to splint his brother's arm.

Hearing a shuffling sound behind him, he grabbed the katanas and turned and faced the new threat.

He found Casey climbing up onto the rooftop.

"Don what happened?" he said

"We need to get them back to the lair quickly. Don't let April up here. She doesn't need to see this." He said dropping the katanas again and turning back to finish bandaging his brothers.

"See what?" Casey asked. Don motioned towards the fallen Elite.

It was a slow process. Don and Casey carried the three fallen turtles down the fire escape. Just like Don said, Casey didn't let April come up. Instead she remained in the Battleshell to watch over the turtles as they were brought down. Don gave a run down on injuries as each turtle was brought down. Afterwards he made one last trip to collect his brothers' weapons and his bag before climbing back down to the Battleshell.

He swayed slightly, dizzy from the blood lose due to the large gash down his arm from that last Elite.

Casey caught him as he started to blackout.

The last thing he heard was April,

"Donnie!"


	5. What Happened?

Chapter 5 

When Casey got the call from April saying the guys were in trouble his first instinct was to rush out. That was when April informed him that she didn't know where they were exactly.

Don had called her saying something about an ambush, the guys and needing the Battleshell.

He knew it was bad. If one of the guys was calling them to bring the Battleshell, more than one was hurt.

He and April met up at the garage and took off. April using the tracker to trace Don's shell cell and he was driving.

When they reached the signal he jumped out, telling April to get things ready, he climbed the fire escape.

As he climbed over the edge he was surprised to find Donnie ready to defend his brothers with Leo's swords. Even more unsettling was the look in his eyes.

Don's eyes were coal black and cold.

Once he saw it was Casey he turned back to his brothers.

"We need to get them back to the lair quickly. Don't let April up here. She doesn't need to see this." He said dropping the katanas again and turning back to finish bandaging his brothers.

"See what?" Casey asked. Don motioned towards the fallen Elite. Casey felt the nausea come up. The blood and gore. Walking over he helped Don pick-up Mike and they started down the fire escape.

Once they got Mikey loaded in the back, the brought Raph and Leo down. Don gave April the run down on his brothers' injuries as they were brought down.

Don made one last trip to collect the guys' stuff. As April finished bandaging the guys up. Don was swaying slightly as he came back.

Casey caught him just as he blacked out.

"Donnie!" April yelled as Casey hefted him into the back with his brothers.

"Casey we have to hurry. He's already lost a lot of blood." She told him as she started bandaging Donnie up.

* * *

They made it to the lair in record time. Splinter was waiting and had prepared the infirmary for them. 

Splinter, April, and Casey worked quickly. Casey cleaned the guys up, Splinter bandaged and stitched their wounds, and April got to work on the casts for Leo and Mikey. There wasn't enough room in the infirmary for all the guys, so Mikey, Raph and Leo got the tables in the infirmary and Don the cot in his lab.

At least for the time being.

Once the guys were stitched up, bandaged, casted, and resting; April and Casey turned to Splinter for an explanation.

Splinter told them about the last couple of days in the lair. Don's avoidance of his brothers. His anger. The fights between him and his two older brothers. How Don had defeated Leo in sparring this morning and how after another confrontation between Don, Leo and Raph that had the purple turtle closing himself off in his room as his brothers left.

He doesn't know what happened exactly. All he knew was an hour after his brothers left Donatello rushed out of the lair without a word to him.

That's where April picked up the story. She told about how Don had called her about the guys being ambushed and needing the Battleshell, her and Casey.

Casey told them how he found Don standing in defense of his fallen brothers as he got to the roof and about the fallen Elite laying on the ground.

"I don't know who took them down or what happened. All I know was Don told me not to let April come up and that we needed to get the guys down fast." Casey said.

All three turned to look at the purple clad turtle lying so still in his lab. Wishing they knew what had gone on on that rooftop.

* * *

Mikey slowly came too. Groaning as he did. 

"Mikey"

Mike was surprised to see April leaning over him.

"How do you feel?"

"Does the word 'OW' mean anything to you?" he asked with a grin.

April chuckled softly. Mike was ok. Barely conscious and already cracking jokes. She helped him to sit up.

"I'll get you some pain killers, ok?"

Mikey nodded and looked around. He noticed Raph and Leo were still out, but he didn't see Don anywhere. Normally when they got hurt, Donatello was hard pressed to leave the their sides until they were all awake.

April came back with the painkillers and water.

"Thanks" he told her.

"April what happened? How did we get home? Where's Don?" he got more and more anxious as he asked.

"Mikey calm down. Deep breaths. You ok now?

"Yeah"

"Ok first of all I don't really know what happened. All I know is Don called me about an ambush and needing the Battleshell. He's the only one who knows everything that happened . You got home because Don, Casey, and I brought you here."

"Ok, so where's Don"

"Right now he's still unconscious in his lab. We didn't have enough room in here for all of you and you three were worse off than him. Do you remember anything that happened?"

"I remember we were running and then Leo stopped us to talk. Next thing the Elite were attacking. Raph went down first because he took a hit meant for me. I remember calling Donnie; then getting hit as I was talking to him. The last thing I remember is seeing Leo still standing."

He paused for a moment.

"No, wait I remember someone yelling 'No'. I don't know if it was Leo or maybe it was Don."

"Ok Mike. Why don't you rest some more ok."

"April wait. How is…How bad is everybody?"

April slowly wrapped a blanket around his shoulders.

"Well you all have numerous cuts and bruises. You have a broken arm" she said tapping the cast covering his left arm "and a large gash on your forehead and a total of 17 stitches. Raph's shoulder was dislocated, a slight concussion, and 13 stitches. Leo's leg is broken, what we think is a slight concussion, a black-eye, and 22 stitches."

"And Donnie?"

"He and Casey carried all of you guys down and when he came back from collecting your weapons he passed out from blood loss. He has 47 stitches and at some point he hit his head rather hard. So between that and the blood loss, we don't know how long he'll be out."

"Oh, Ok."

April gave his wrist a squeeze and turned to leave.

"Hey April?"

She paused looking over her shoulder.

"Umm…could I go sit with Don?"

She smiled, "Sure Mikey. Let me help you."

Slowly April and Mikey made their way to Don's lab. Mikey paused at the door. Biting his lip, he took a deep breath and let go of April.

The computers were off for once. The only light came from the desk lamp.

Mikey could see the bandages wrapped around his brother's arms and torso. He slowly crossed to his brother. April brought the desk chair over and Mikey sat down.

April left them alone and went to inform Splinter that Mikey was a wake before she went back to the infirmary.

Mikey simply sat beside his brother, holding his hand. Not sure what to say or if he should say anything.

"Hey Donnie…it's me, Mikey."


	6. Waking Up

Chapter 6 Waking Up 

Raph groaned at the bright lights glaring down at him. He tried to sit up, only to have his shoulder fell like it was on fire.

"Easy Raph. Take it easy."

"A-April?"

"Your shoulder was dislocated and you're going to pull your stitches out."

"How did…"

"Donnie"

"Donnie? But how?"

"Apparently Mikey called him before things went down hill."

"Mikey? MIKEY!" With that Raph shot up only to nearly blackout from the pain.

"Casey, help me. Talk to him while I get the painkillers"

"Raph? Bro, can ya hear me?"

"Case-man? What happened?"

"Nobody really knows, well I shouldn't say that. Don knows but he's still outta it."

"Don? Don got hurt?"

April came back over with a syringe.

"No drugs." He gritted through his teeth.

"Raph" she pleaded.

"No drugs. Gotta …level head."

"level head. You? That's funny"

"I'll show you… Uhhh"

"Alright, Casey leave him alone. Raph, I'm going to give you just enough to take the edge off, ok?"

"Fine"

With that April gave him a shot of the morphine.

A nearby groan alerted them that Leo was starting to come to. Luckily, April had already given that particular turtle a shot of morphine, knowing he would react the same as Raph did.

"Leo?" April crossed to the other table and placed a hand on his forehead, "Leo?"

"Huh? wha?" Leo responded.

"Leo, it's ok. You're all safe. You're in the Lair.

"Raph?"

"Right here bro."

Leo turned towards the voice. He saw Raph lying on the table next to him.

"Mikey?"

"He's with Don right now, Leo" April told him.

"Don? Don wasn't there." Leo told them, clearly confused.

"Mikey called him after you guys got ambushed. He called us to come help him get you guys." April said, giving his hand a squeeze.

"He saved you guys lives from the look of things by the time we go there."

Leo gave a grunt as he gave into the sleep his body demanded.

"Whatya mean Case?"

"When I got there Donnie was standing there with Leo's swords looking like he was gonna take my head off if I was anyone but me."

"Huh" was Raph response has he too was feeling the pulls of sleep.

"Rest for now Raph." April said giving his arm a squeeze, "we're right outside if you need us."

April checked to make sure both turtles were covered, before she and Casey turned the main lights off and left the infirmary.

Casey headed to the kitchen and April went to check on Mikey and Don.

April found both Master Splinter and Mike sitting at Don's side. Mikey looked up and April gave him a small smile, that he tried to return, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Raph and Leo both woke up."

Splinter gave a sigh of relief for that. Mikey was able to make a small smile.

"I gave them both some morphine, so they will be out for a little while. Raph not as long, he wouldn't let me give him a full dose."

"That's Raph" Mikey chuckled.

"How's Don doing"

Their silence was answer enough.

"April, what should we do?"

April walked over and turned on the main lights in the lab.

"Geez. Warn a turtle would ya." Mikey complained as he blinked rapidly, trying to clear the dots.

He heard April gasp.

"D-Don-nie" Mikey whispered.

Donatello's olive-green skin was now almost as pale as the bandages covering his body.

"He needs a blood transfusion." April said, "Has he ever done that with you guys?"

The question was directed at both Splinter and Mike.

"I do not know Ms. O'Neil."

"Yeah, I can't remember if he has ever done that."

"Does he keep medical records on you guys"

"I think so. Check his computer" Mikey told her not looking away from his brother. Mikey's grip on Don's hand increased, as though he would keep his brother here by sheer will.

April quickly booted up the computer. Don had trusted her with passwords to his account and she was quickly scanning through various programs. After about twenty minutes, she found what she was looking for.

Most of the information was password protected, but she found that Don listed basic information on each of brother, including who could donate to who.

She opened Don's file and scrolled to the bottom.

"Shoot" she mumbled.

"What's wrong April?" Mikey asked.

"According to this Raph is the only one who can donate blood to Don, but with the morphine in his system right now, we're going to have to wait until the drugs work their way through." She closed down the program as she spoke.

"Why can't I be a donor?"

"Well according to Don's information he can donate to any one of you, but you and Leo can only donate to one another. And only Raph can donate to Don."

"Oh" Mikey's head dropped some more.

"How long must we wait Ms. O'Neil?" Splinter asked.

"Well given that I only gave Raph half a dose, probably six hours to be safe."

"Will Donatello be alright until then?"

"He should yes."

Raph woke again some time later. Luckily this time there were no lights. He gave a small groan as he pushed himself up. It was slow going. His Left arm was tapped to his body, so he only had his right arm to push himself up with.

Once he was sitting up he waited for the nausea and dizziness to pass.

"Raphael"

"Huh? Sensei?"

Those blasted lights came on as soon as he spoke.

"Uhhh!"

"Raph how do you feel?" April asked as she came in.

"Dizzy, but it's going away."

"Ok that's good. Listen Raph we need to give Don a blood transfusion and you're the only donor for him."

"Wha?" he was still kinda out of it, "Don needs my blood?"

"Yeah."

"Umm…blood…fridge."

"What was that Raphael?"

"Blood in the…fridge." He pointed to the fridge in the corner of the room, "Made us…just in case."

April ran to the appliance and ripped open the door. There were bottles and various items scattered on the shelves. She didn't see any bags of blood.

"Raph are sure?"

"Bottom drawer."

Pulling open said drawer, she was ecstatic to find two bags from Leo, Raph, and Mikey. There were quite a few bags from Donatello. April wondered why there were so many bags from Don. Grabbing two that were marked _Donatello_, she raced around the room grabbing the IV stand, and various items she would need.

Without another word she left the room. Knowing it would be better to give Don warm blood, but there wasn't time. She set the IV stand up on Don's left side; she hung the bags and got the blood from the first bag flowing into Don.

Mikey had averted his eyes as April inserted the needle into Don's arm.

"He's gonna be ok now, right April?" Mikey spoke so softly she almost didn't hear him.

"Well his chances are much better now that he's getting the blood."

"That's good" Mikey squeezed Don's hand with his.

He whispered to Don, once April left, "please wake up Don. I need to apologize. I need my buddy back. Please don't leave us like this."

"Don's not going anywhere Mikey, so stop your blubbering." Mikey swiveled his towards the voice.

"Raphie"

"Good to see you to Mikey. I got it from here Case."

Raph pushed of his friend and staggered to Don's cot.

"How you doing Mikey?"

"I'm ok Raph. How about you?"

Raph picked-up Don's other hand, careful of the catheter supplying his brother with life-saving blood.

"What happened after I went down Mike?"

"I don't really remember much. I remember calling Don and then getting hit as I was talking to him. Seeing Leo still standing as I went down. But the last thing I remember was someone yelling 'No'."

"We gotta lot a makin up and apologizin ta do ta Donnie when he gets better, Mikey"

Mikey only nodded.

Some time after Raph left for Don's room, Leo woke up again.

"Raph? Mikey?"

"It is alright my son. Your brothers are with Donatello."

"Master Splinter? What happened?"

"What do you remember about what happened last night?"

"Ummm…Raph took a…hit for Mikey and…went down. Mikey calling…Don and…then he went down. Something…hit me from behind…when I…turned to Mikey. Nothing after that."

"It is alright my son."

"Sensei what happened to Don? Is he…ok?"

"He is resting right now, but his outcome is better now."

"What happened to him? To us?"

"No one but your brother knows at this point. We must wait until he wakes to know."

"Master, is there any way I could go see Don?"

"Ms. O'Neil believes it is best if you keep your leg elevated for now, but I will see what we can do. Rest for now my son."

Leo watched as Master Splinter left.

'What happened after I was knocked out?' Leo thought to himself.

"Hey Leo. Master Splinter said you wanted to go see Donnie."

"Yeah if that's ok"

"It's not a problem. Casey help me get Leo up"

It took some maneuvering, but with Casey's help Leo was soon on his feet. He had wanted to use the crutches, but April didn't think that was a good idea just yet.

"You're still dizzy and I don't want to risk you falling."

So with Casey on one side and April on the other, Leo was able to 'walk' to join his brothers.

"Hey guys"

Both Raph and Mikey looked up at their big brother as he hopped into the room.

"Hey Leo" they both said.

April pulled over another desk chair and a stool to prop Leo's foot on.

"Thanks April"

"Are you guys hungry at all?"

"I could go for some grub dudette."

"Yeah, me too."

"Leo"

"Some tea would be nice."

"Ok, I'll be back."

None of them noticed her leaving really, they were all watching Don. His chest moved up and down slowly.

"He's pale."

"Dude, ya shoulda seen him before. He like matched the bandages."

They were all silent. April came in with soup and tea for all of them. They remained silent. The only sounds for a while were the clinks of the dishes and slurps from Mikey.

April came checked all their bandages, gave them each some painkillers, and took away the dirty dishes.

"Guys. Before we were ambushed…"

"Yeah Leo"

"You were gonna say some thing Mike, what was it?"


	7. Never Knew

_Italics are flashbacks, __underlined Italics are the scenes from the video._

Chapter 7 

"Ms. O'Neil?"

"Yes. Master Splinter."

""You had mentioned that Donatello had collected his brothers' weapons."

"Yeah, they're still in his bag. I can get them for you."

"Thank-you"

April returned a short time later with the weapons and a camera.

"Here you are Master Splinter."

"Thank-you Ms. O'Neil." Splinter retreated to the dojo with the weapons.

April crossed to Don's computer alcove. When she and gone back to the Battleshell to collect the weapons, she noticed the camera snagged on the side. Wondering what is was doing there, she brought it back with her. She quickly linked the camera to the computer and started uploading the footage.

Once the upload was complete, she clicked the play button.

After watching for a few minutes, she shouted "GUYS!"

* * *

Mikey looked first at Raph and then over to Leo. 

"I had asked you guys what Don meant this morning in the dojo, remember."

Neither one spoke up.

Leo was starting to get frustrated. He wanted answers. He wanted…

"Things changed after you left Leo." Raph said, not looking at Leo, "They were fine at first, but about a month after you left they started to go down hill. I knew Don had a lot to do, but I thought we should be going out more to patrol. Me and Don started fighting more and more as the days went by."

Raph paused to look up at Leo and then back to Don,

"Then one night I learned dragons were gonna pull something big. I told Don we needed to take care of it. Don said he was tired and that we should wait til later that night, but I knew it wouldn't do any good. We almost got physical, before I stormed out. What I didn't know was Don had been up for the last 48 hours taking care of Splinter and everything else. He wanted to wait because he didn't want to risk someone getting hurt because he was tired."

"I ended up almost getting myself killed before Mike and Don showed up. We got home and Splinter disbanded the team, blaming Don for me getting hurt. Saying it was his fault as leader. That's when things went form bad to worse."

"Don started to spend more and more time in his lab. I was stuck in the lair for almost a month. Don and me argued more and more. I started calling him 'Leo junior' and Mike was ragging on him. We never took anything he told us serious."

Leo looked at his brother. He hated it when Raph called him 'Splinter junior'. He wondered how Don felt when Raph gave him a new nickname.

"But it was about seven moths after you left that things, well exploded. Me and Don had been avoiding each other as much as possible. I think he was just tired of everything. But then me and Mike got in to it…"

_"Dude. Would you lay of Don for a while. He's already stressed to the max with everything else."_

"_Oh, are you sticking up 'Leo junior' now, Mikey."_

"_Grow-up already Raph."_

"_You gonna make me Mikey."_

"_Just leave Don alone."_

"_Why should I, huh?" he gave Mike a shove._

"_I'm warning you Raph." _

"_Oh, what's baby brother gonna do, beat me up."_

"_Shut up Raphael!"_

"_Make me"_

"We tore the place up pretty bad. The TV was trashed, furniture broken, we nearly made it into Don's computer alcove. Don broke us up. Didn't say a word to either of us. Just glared at us. I think that was the point he gave up on us. His shoulders dropped and he just walked away. We shot each other a look and then turned and looked at what we did. Then I stormed out."

Raph stopped at this point. As of he was remembering it. Mikey picked the story up.

"I didn't know what to do. Donnie came out a few minutes later and just started cleaning up. I started to help him, but he never said a word to me. Then I went topside to find Raph. I found him half drunk at Casey's. He apologized for the fight and asked me to join him. We both came home drunkier than skunks. I don't really know what happened once we started drinking or how we even got home. But we woke up the next morning in the infirmary. There was aspirin and water beside each of us, as well as a garbage pail. One for each of us."

Mikey paused to take a few deep breaths.

"That was when we found the note Don left. Telling us not to worry about him and that he was gonna be gone for a few days. After reading it we went and talked to Master Splinter. He said he knew Don had decided to leave for a few days. Then he told us that when he returned he expected us to apologize to Don for last night. We didn't have a clue what we did. Apparently it was bad enough to drive Don out of the lair. When he came back we apologized just like Spliter said, only it didn't work out for the best."

"_Did ya hear us?" Raph asked._

"_I heard you." Don said without looking at them._

"_Well?"_

"_Well what?"_

"_Aren't you gonna say anything to us?" Mike asked._

_Donatello turned to look at his brothers standing in the doorway. Raphael stood with arms crossed and his usual scowl. Michelangelo stood just in front of Raph with his puppydog eyes pointed at Don._

"_What exactly am I suppose to say?" Don asked._

"_How about 'It's ok' or 'I forgive you guys for being such idiots'" Mikey supplied._

_Raph smacked Mike, "Yeah Don. Just say you forgive us so we can all move on with our lives"_

"_No" Don said as he turned back to his computer._

_Both Raph and Mike just stared at him._

"_Whatya mean 'no'' Raph growled._

"_Come on Donnie, we promise to be more careful." Mikey said._

_Don spoke to them without turning around, "Promises don't last when it comes to me…"_

_Mike and Raph glanced at one another._

"_because I always forgive you guys in the end. But I can't spare the energy it takes to forgive for everything anymore."_

"We didn't know what else to do, so we left. What you came home to is how things have been since then." Mike finished.

Leo looked at Mike and Raph. That was when they heard April shout.

* * *

April jumped up and ran to the Lab. Nearly colliding with Raph.

"I need you guys to come to see something. Give me a few minutes and I'll join you at the TV."

"Casey, help Leo." And with that she disappeared back into the alcove.

Shooting glances at one another. They made their way to the couch. Splinter noticed that Michelangelo had yet to get up.

"Michelangelo?"

"I don't think we should leave him alone Sensei."

"He will be aright for now. Come let us join the others."

Reluctantly, Mike stood and left the room. He situated himself so he could turn and see Don from his spot.

Ten minutes passed before April joined them.

"What's this about April" Leo asked.

"Well, Master Splinter had asked where your weapons were and when I went to get them out of Don's bag, I noticed that one of those cameras he has been working on, waas snagged on the side. Anyways I thought it was odd and then I noticed that it had been on and recorded something. So I uploaded it to the computer to see what it had caught. And well, just watch ok."

With that she put the DVD in and they all waited to see what could have possibly been caught.

_Don's Desk came into view._

_After a few minutes silence, a shell cell was heard ringing._

_Donatello sighed, "What Mi…"_

"_DONNIE! HELP!"_

_The camera's now showed the wall of the lab. But Donatello and Michelangelo could still be heard._

"_MIKEY!"_

"_Elite ambush…Raph hurt…"_

"_Where are you guys?"_

"_Fifth and…"_

"_Mikey! MIKEY! Answer me damn it!"_

_Suddenly the camera was moving. The only thing heard was Don's breathing as he ran._

"Dudes, you don't think…"

"SHHH!" they all said.

_Once on the rooftops, Donatello's vouce was heard again,_

_"April no time. The guys got ambushed. Get the Battleshell and Casey. Track my shell cell from there."_

_The camera bounced around as Don leapt form building to building. Suddenly the camera showed Leo falling to the ground. As the Elite moved in with their weapons raised,_

"_NOOOOOO!"_

_The Elite paused at the voice._

_"You wont take my brothers from me again." _

_Suddenly the bag was dropped and with a roar Don was shown charging the Elite_.

They all sat and watched as Don battled the Elite. April turned away after the first Elite fell.

Leo, Raph, and Mikey watched in shock and amazement as Don battled. They never knew their brother could fight like this.

Mikey gulped as Don embedded the sai in the throat of the second Elite.

Raph swallowed hard as Don's bo snapped in half and he used it to impale the third Elite.

Leo couldn't blink when Don picked up Leo's katanas. The last Elite was out of the frame. So for a few seconds Don stood alone breathing heavily, staring the Elite down.

_The Elite came back into view. He and Don exchanged blows._

Someone gasped as the Elite sliced Don's shoulder.

_The two fighter locked weapons. Then Don was kicked backwards out of view. A thud was heard and then the enraged turtle flew back into view with a feral growl._

_Don's blows came harder and faster. Then the Elites weapon was knocked away and Don plunged the katanas into him._

_As the man slumped onto Don, he pushed him back._

_Don used the Elite's shirt to clean the weapons. _

_He stood staring down at the man; his heavy breathing could be heard._

_Then he moved off screen. The katanas fell to the ground with a clang._

_The view changed yet again as Don returned and opened the bag._

This time they saw Raph and Mikey's unconscious forms.

Raph unconsciously touch his bad shoulder as he watched Don pop it back in.

Suddenly they saw Don pick up the katanas again as though he heard something.

He relaxed a few moments later.

_"Don what happened?" Casey was heard saying. _

_"We need to get them back to the lair quickly. Don't let April up here. She doesn't need to see this." He said dropping the katanas again and turning back to finish bandaging his brothers._

_"See what?" Casey asked. Don motioned towards the fallen Elite._

They watched as Don and Casey moved each turtle and as Don retrieved their weapons. Then the bag was moving again.

_The camera swayed as Don moved._

_A groan was heard._

_April yelling "Donnie!"_

_Then the camera showed the wall of the Battleshell._

April got up and stopped the DVD player at this point.

The group remained silent after the DVD stopped. Each trying to gather their own thoughts before speaking.

Mikey stood up and walked back to the lab. They could hear his quiet sniffles that soon turned into sobs. Raph stood with help from Casey and went to Mikey.


	8. More Than Meets the Eye

Chapter 8 More Than Meets the Eye 

Mikey was kneeling next to Don's cot sobbing, his forehead was leaning on the cot next to Don's head, his good arm lay across Don's chest.

That is how Raph found him.

Raph wasn't any good at this. Don had always been the one to comfort Mikey when he was upset. Leo on a few occasions, but Mikey almost always went to Don first.

_Mikey had woken up screaming again from yet another nightmare._

_This time however he had yet to be calm down. Raph tried bury his head further under his pillow to escape his little brother's cries. Splinter must be out scavenging because he hadn't come in yet._

_Raph heard their door creek open._

'_Finally' he thought, 'Splinter must be back.'_

_He heard someone talking to Mikey and it wasn't Splinter._

_Pulling his head out from under his pillow, he was surprised to find Donnie sitting next to Mikey on his bed._

"_You can go sleep in my bed so we don't keep you up." Donnie said when he saw Raph sitting up._

_Raph was confused,' why was Donnie here?' _

_Mikey was clinging to Donnie as though he would disappear if he let go. Raph watched as Donnie put his arms around Mikey's shoulders and pulled him close. Whispering nonsense to him, trying to calm him down._

_Raph slowly climbed out of his bed, taking his pillow and blanket with him, and padded down the hall to Donnie and Leo's room. He tossed his stuff on Don's bed, before grabbing Don's blanket and pillow and returned to his and Mikey's room. _

_Somehow Donnie had convinced Mikey to lie down. Donnie was humming some nameless song and rubbing circles on Mikey's shell and stroking his forehead as Mikey lay in his lap._

_Raph climbed up onto the bed with Don's blanket and pillow._

"_Lean forward" he whispered._

_Don did so without stopping what he was doing and Raph draped the blanket over his shoulders._

_Don gave him a small smile of thanks as he leaned back._

_Raph scooted off the bed and left the room, closing the door behind him._

Raph crossed to his sobbing brother. Kneeling at the head of Don's cot, he put his good arm across Mikey's back and rubbed Mikey's shoulder.

"W-W-Why?" Mikey sobbed.

"Why what Mike?" Raph asked as leaned over and wiped the tears away.

"W-Why d-d-did Don-Donnie do that?"

Raph thought for a moment. They all knew Don would fight only when there was no other option. The video they just watched showed that not only could Don fight better than any of them thought, but he would kill to protect his brothers.

'Brothers who didn't deserve to be protected like that.' Raph thought

But before Raph could answer, another voice rang out, "For us."

Mikey looked up to see Leo standing in the doorway, braced by Casey and April. They slowly crossed and soon Leo was seated on the opposite side of Don from Mikey. Once April got Leo's leg up on the stool, they left, closing the door behind them.

Leo laid his hand atop Mikey's hand that was lying over Don's heart. He set his other very carefully on Raph's shoulder. He looked down at Don as he continued,

"We all see Don as the problem solver, the 'Brain', the answer man, the gadget guy, the one we look to when we are trapped in impossible situations. We never bothered to look past the surface. We never tried to see past that the front he puts up. I think there is more to our 'pacifist' brother then he lets on."

Looking up at Raph, then Mikey,

"I remember when Splinter first told me that he was putting Donnie in the position of 'Leader' while I was gone…"

"_You do not agree with me, Leonardo?" Splinter asked._

"_It's not that I don't agree with you, it's just that I think Raphael would be a better choice." Leo responded._

"_Yes, Raphael would be an excellent choice as leader, but he has proven that he can lead while you were in Japan training with the Ancient One. I believe Donatello deserves the same chance to prove that he can too."_

_Leo thought about this as Splinter continued, "You and Donatello are very much alike. You both blame yourselves when things go wrong, but unlike Raphael and Michelangelo, the two of you turn your guilt inward. That is why you train so much to protect your brothers. Donatello handles his guilt and trains differently then you. Rather than training his body to be the better fighter…"_

_Splinter paused, waiting for Leonardo to finish this thought._

"_He trains his mind. He shuts himself in the his lab learning and inventing to be better prepared for anything that could happen to us in future situations and battles." Leo finished._

"_Yes, Donatello knew at a young age that he didn't poses the physical abilities of you, Raphael and Michelangelo. He has always done the best he could in his ninjitsu training, but I knew he did it and still does it mostly to please me."_

"_That's the reason you gave him the bo isn't Sensei?" Leo asked._

"_It was one of the many reasons that I gave your brother that particular weapon. But that is not what we are discussing. Do you believe that Donatello can handle this responsibility while you are away."_

"_Hai Sensei."_

Mikey sniffled as Leo finished his story. He and Raph glanced at one another. Before looking down at Don.

"I knew Don could be a good leader, but I think the problem that started this whole mess was me being jealous that Don was given the responsibility over me. Don did things wrong too, but I wasn't any help." Raph said looking at Leo before continuing,

"He took to much on himself. He tried to Donnie and Leo. It didn't work."

"We weren't any help, ya know Raph. You fought him at every turn and I did nothing but give him grief. He was right when he said we never gave him a real chance to lead. We expected him to be Leo. Just like he accused of doing." Mikey said, "He knew things were gonna change with Leo gone, but he tried to keep things as normal as he could for us. He took everything on himself."

"He was wrong about one thing, thought."

"What was that Raph?"

"We were here to help him, but he never asked or saw. By the time he did, we chose not to and that made things even worse."

"I don't think it was that he never saw it Raph," Mikey said, "I think he already thought we wouldn't because when do we ever help him with anything. I mean he's always asking us to go to the junkyard with him. He used to ask us to help with projects and maintenance around the lair, but we always turned him down. I know that you help with the vehicles now, but just think of everything Don does around here."

Leo thought back to, (was it only yesterday morning?) when Don was yelling at him when Leo accused him about not being a good leader because he didn't know Raph was the Nightwatcher. Don had rattled off a rather long list of things he takes care.

"We all need to talk when he wakes up. It's long over do. I don't any of us really understand the others. And I don't mean just Don. I think we've assumed roles that we need to break out of a little."

Leo and Raph looked at Mikey in surprise.

"Never thought I'd hear something like that come from you Mike." Raph said.

"Yeah" Leo agreed.

"Like I said, we don't know each other. We never bother to look past the image each of us put on."

None of them had noticed that Splinter had been listening to the whole conversation. Smiling softly, he closed the door. Perhaps his sons had grown more than he or they had realized.

April and Casey sat in the kitchen. April working on dinner and Casey sat trying to read the sports page.

They were both so lost in their own thoughts they jumped when Master Splinter spoke,

"Ms. O'Neil I must ask a favor of you."

Casey jumped out of his seat, only to end of on the floor and April splashed sauce as she jerked the spoon hearing Splinter speak.

"Geez, and I thought the guys were bad with the whole ninja sneak thing." Casey grumbled as he got up off the floor.

"What can I do for you Master Splinter?" April asked.

"My sons require time for recuperation, especially for Donatello and I believe a trip to the farm is in order. I feel that this 'battle' will be difficult for him to deal with."

"Of course, that's no problem Master Splinter."

"Thank-you, Ms. O'Neil. I hope both of you can join us." With that he retired to his room.

"Well, think you can get a few days of Casey. Care to join the guys at the farm."

"I think I can spare a few days and a vacation sounds great."

Dishes and silverware clinked as she loaded a tray.

"Can you help me bring this stuff to the guys, Casey." She said as she grabbed one of the trays on the counter and left the kitchen with Casey right behind her with the other.

"Room service" April called as she open the lab door.

Only to stop when she saw the scene before her. Only to have Casey run into her from behind. She was just barely able to hold onto the tray. Shooting Casey a look over her shoulder.

"Geez April. What's with the sudden stop." He complained.

"Shh" she said, then nodded with her head toward the guys.

Mikey was still kneeling on the floor with arm across Don and his head next to Don's. Leo had his chin on his chest, his hand still on Mike and Don's. Raph was sprawled in Don's desk chair, snoring, with his hand on Don's head.

April motioned for Casey to go back out the door.

She put her tray back in the kitchen and returned to the lab with blankets. She silently draped a blanket over Raph and Mike, but Leo woke up partially as she covered him.

"Shh. Everything is fine. I didn't want you guys to get cold"

Leo nodded sleepily. Looked around, just to make sure. Smiled slightly and drifted back to sleep.

April smiled as she stopped in the door, snapped a quick picture and then left.

Don shifted under the weight on his chest. His head was saying it was time to get up, but his body didn't want to.

Groaning, the weight on his chest moved and then was gone.

He heard voices, but his head felt like it was full of cotton.

Suddenly his arm shoulder and arm felt like they were on fire.

His eyes snapped open and then closed against the glaring light above him as he hissed in pain.

He heard the voices again, this time a little clearer.

"Donnie?"

He tried to open his eyes again. They cooperated by opening half way. Three blurry faces floated above him.

"Donny boy, can you hear me?"

He tried to take a deep breath, but breathing like that hurt, so his eyes closed again.

"Don?"

He cracked his eyes open again. The faces were clearer this time. There was a pinch in his arm and then the fire in his other arm and shoulder died down. It was easier to breath now.

He blinked a few more times and the blurred faces focused and he realized they were his brothers. He managed a weak smile.

"You ok Donnie?" This came from Mikey.

He opened his mouth to answer, but it came out as a dry cough.

"Oh, right sorry, here"

Suddenly he felt himself being lifted into the air and a cup was pressed against his beak. He choked on the first sip, but managed to get a few sips down.

"Thanks" he whispered.

He felt himself being lowered back down and felt a hand stroke his forehead. He found it hard to stay awake. Whatever had made the fire in arm and shoulder go away, was making him sleepy again.

"Don, how do you feel?"

He mumbled something before giving into the sleep.

When Leo first felt his hand move he thought it was Mikey, but then he heard a groan and his eyes snapped open. He saw that Raph and Mikey had heard it to and Mike had moved his arm off Don's chest.

"Doyou think he's coming around?" Mikey asked. Splinter turned the lights on as he entered.

Suddenly Don's eyes snapped open and then closed right away as he hissed in pain when he moved his shoulder.

"April! Don's awake and in pain." Raph yelled.

"Donnie" Mikey said.

His eyes opened half way.

"Donnie boy, can you hear me?" Raph asked.

He tried to take a deep breath, but that seemed to cause him pain.

"Don?" Leo said.

He opened his eyes again.

April appeared with a syringe and quickly injected the morphine into Don..

He relaxed has the morphine began working. He blinked his eyes a few times and gave them a weak smile.

"Donnie, you ok?" Mikey asked

He tried to speak, but only managed to cough.

"Oh, right sorry, here." Mikey said as he grabbed a glass of water. Leo lifted him up slightly with help from Raph, as Mikey pressed the cup to Don's beak.

He choked on the first sip, so Mikey pulled it back til he stopped and then they tried again. He managed to get a few sips down this time.

"Thanks" he said.

Slowly they lowered him back down to the cot. Raph slowly stroked his hand across Don's forehead,

"Don, how do you feel?

He mumbled something before he fell back to sleep.

Six very happy faces turned and looked at one another,

"Anybody catch that?" Leo asked.

"I think he asked for some pizza." Mikey replied.

Everybody laughed. Raph gave him a lite tap on the head, "knucklehead."

"Alright my sons, now it is time for bed. You all need your rest. Raphael you will take first watch over your brother. Leonardo, Michelangelo come."

April and Mikey pulled out the extra cot for Raph. Before leaving the lab. Casey and Mike helped Leo out to the couch, after deciding that he didn't feel like tackling the stairs. Leo offered April his room and Casey took Raph's. Mikey crashed on the floor in front of the couch, just in case he was needed.

They bid each other good night and soon the lair was silent again, but for the first time in a long time though, it was a peaceful silence.


	9. Not Knowing

Chapter 9 Not Knowing 

Don woke very slowly. His eyes cracked opened. Blinking a few times when there was no harsh light glaring down on him.

He lay there just taking a few deep breaths for a while, trying to gather his scattered thoughts.

'What the hell happened?' he wondered to himself.

He tried moving his head, 'ok, not that bad.'

Next he tried his fingers, those worked.

Then his arm, he hissed in pain. 'Ok, moving arm bad. Very bad idea.'

He focused on his feet and legs, willing the fire on the right half of his body to die down.

'Ok so apparently he could move everything except the body parts between his waist and his head. That's helpful. How was he suppose to do anything, if he couldn't move his arms.'

"Donnie? You wake?"

That voice sounded vaguely familiar.

Suddenly the lights came on and he slammed his eyes closed against the glare. A shadow appeared over him.

"Don?"

The voice was back. He blinked trying to clear his vision.

He coughed as he tried to speak.

"Hold on a sec, I need somebody to help me. Be back in minute."

The voice and the shadow then moved and the light was once again glaring down on him.

Groaning, he closed his eyes again and turned his head to the side, trying to block out the light.

"Mikey get up. Mikey!" Raph was growing frustrated, "Mikey, I need some help. Don's up and…"

That's all it took. Mikey bolted up glanced around.

"Huh? Don's up. Is he ok?"

"He's fine. I need some help though. I can't lift he and help him drink at the same time."

"Oh. Ok"

Mikey stuck his hand out for Raph to help pull him up.

"Uhh. Mike, you're gonna have ta get up yourself. My shoulder, remember?"

"Oh. Right."

Carefully, he used the coffee table to help himself get up. Raph steadied him once he was vertical.

"Come on."

Mikey followed sluggishly behind him as they made their way back to the lab.

"Hey Don, you still awake?" Mikey heard Raph ask.

Suddenly Mikey was wide-awake as he remembered last night or was it two nights ago. 'Man what time and day is'

Raph had already sat back down next to Don. He turned back to Mikey,

"Hit the lights would ya. I think it's too bright for him. And then lift him up some so we can get him a drink."

Mikey quickly complied, before rushing to Don's other side. Raph had turned the desk light on, so they had some light. Mikey drank in the sight of his brother like a man dying of thirst. Ever so gently, he eased his arm under Don's shoulders.

Don's hiss of pain stopped him cold.

"Maybe we should get him some morphine or something first?" Mikey suggested.

Raph only gave a brief nod, before disappearing out the door again.

Mikey turned back to Don. He looked much better than the first time Mikey saw him. He was still rather pale, but April said he would be fine.

"Donnie, are you ok?" he whispered. He didn't want to cause his brother any pain by causing him to move is arms or shoulder.

Don gave another dry cough.

Raph came back into the room with a syringe and a bottle of morphine.

He handed Mike the bottle, instructing him to hold it upside down. Every so carefully, Raph slipped the syringe into the bottle, and pulled down on the plunger. Once he got to the level he wanted, he pulled the syringe out and gave the plunger a small push. A small amount of liquid shot out.

"Mike, give it a flick with your fingers, we don't want any air bubbles in it."

He did as he was told, ever so carefully. Raph gave the plunger another push, just to be on the save side. Before carefully inserting the needle into Don's arm.

Once again, Mike looked away. Raph handed Mike the syringe and he put both the bottle and the syringe on the desk. They gave the morphine a few minutes to start working before trying to lift Don again.

Mikey handed Raph the glass before easing his arm under Don again. This time there was no hiss of pain and Don glanced up at them with partially open eyes.

Raph eased the glass up so Don could drink. Much like last night, he choked on the first swallow, they waited and tried again. He was able to get more down this time.

"Thanks" came the soft whisper from Don.

Mikey lowered him back down.

Raph stroked his forehead again, while Mikey picked up his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"How do you feel Donnie boy?" Raph asked.

"Raphie?" Don gave what they thought was a chuckle, "You…haven't cal-called…me th-that…in…years"

"Donnie?" Mikey said.

"Hi… Mikey" he replied, seeing Mikey's eyes, he tried to squeeze back on Mikey's hand.

Mikey got all teary eyed at the small gesture his brother was making to make him feel better. Even barely able to move and Don's thoughts were on making sure Mikey was ok.

"Hi Donnie" he replied.

"Th-thirsty." Don whispered.

"You want some more water?" Raph asked, he had yet to stop stroking Don's forehead.

"Ice… chips" Don said

"Ice chips?" Mikey repeated looking at Raph.

"Easier… then drinking" Don said.

"Ok Don, I'll go get ya some."

As Raph stood up to leave, Don turned his head to look at Mikey. He seemed perplexed by the cast.

"Mikey?"

"Yeah Donnie."

"Wha Happ'n?"

"Whatya mean Donnie?"

"…arm"

"Arm?"

"Brok'n?"

"Broken…"

Don smiled slightly, "play'n game…Mikey?"

"What game Donnie"

"Repeat…game. Haven' play'd… long…time"

'What game?' Mikey was totally confused right now, 'What is Donnie talking about? Repeat game?'

Suddenly a memory hit him. The day after they met April and Splinter was taken.

"_Fight?"_

"_Fight"_

"_Kitchen?"_

"_Kitchen"_

Don was talking about the game where they repeat whatever the other had said. They made it up as a way to deal with Leo and Raph's constant fights. Some times they tried to go as long as their brothers fights. Unfortunately, the fights lasted way longer than the game could ever. The longest they ever went was almost fifteen minutes.

Mikey smiled at Don, "Yeah Donnie, we're playing our game."

Don nodded and looked like he was about to fall back a sleep.

"Hey, stay awake til Raphie comes back."

"Ok… Mikey. I'll…try"

It took Raph a little while to get the ice. It's not exactly easy getting the ice cubes out of the tray with only one hand. It's even harder when you're trying not to make any noise so everybody doesn't wake up.

Once he had the ice cubes out, the trick was going to be breaking them without to much noise. Thinking for a minute. Before getting an idea.

Gabbing a bag, a towel and the rolling pin, he walked back over to the counter.

He but the ice cubes in the bag. After sealing the bag shut, he wrapped the towel around it and set the bundle on the counter.

Then he took the rolling pin and started banging the bundle with it.

He stopped after a few minutes. Unwrapped he bundle and dumped the bags contents into a bowl. He scooped out a cup full, put the bowl with the remaining ice chips into the freezer for later.

As he headed out of the kitchen he snagged a spoon, only to find Leo giving him the death glare from the couch.

"Sorry" he grinned kinds sheepishly.

""What's going on" Leo asked, stretching.

"Don was thirsty and of course being Don told me and Mikey it would be easier to feed him ice chips than continually lifting him up and down to drink."

"Oh…ok. So that was what all the banging was about?"

"Yeah…sorry about that."

The silence stretched out between them, neither knew to say.

"Ummm… give me a sec and I'll send Mikey to come and help so you can join us in the lab, if you want."

"Sure… thanks"

Raph quickly disappeared into the lab. Leo heard the mumble of conversation and then Mikey appeared through the door.

"One sec Leo." He said as he crossed to the infirmary. Only to return with a crutch.

"Figured this would be easier than you trying to hop-along with only me to support you."

Leo gave him a small smile. Once Mikey and Leo up, his good shoulder under Leo's and his good arm wrapped around his shell, they started across the room.

As they got closer they could hear Raph and Don talking, well Raph was talking. Donnie was just kinda mumbling.

"You good for now Don? You want any more ice."

"'m good"

Raph looked up as Leo and Mikey entered the room. Leo got situated in the chair and Mikey ever so carefully put the casted leg on the stool.

Leo reached out, carefully out a hand on Don's chest, "Hey Don."

"Hi…Leo."

"You feeling ok? You need anything"

Don gave a small shake of his head. Then seemed puzzled by the bandages on his brothers.

"Wha' happ'n?" he asked.

Leo looked over at the over two sitting on Don's other side. Mikey was on the cot next to Don's waist, holding his hand. Raph sitting in a desk chair, like Leo, with his hand on Don's head, his thumb slowly rubbing back and forth over Don's forehead.

"Whatya mean Donnie?" Mikey asked.

"…bandages?" Donnie said.

"Our bandages? Raph asked.

"…yeah." Donnie answered, "How… urt?"

"Don, don't you remember?" Leo asked, looking puzzled.

Don gave a negative shake of his head before speaking again, getting a little panicked that he should remember. "No… Should I?"

"No, it's ok Donnie." Raph answered.

Donnie gave a yawn before answering, "ok."

"Tired?" Mikey spoke up.

"Tired." Donnie said as he felt his eyelids growing heavy.

"It's ok. You can go back to sleep Don" Raph said.

"Don'…"

"Don't what Don?" Leo asked

"Don' leave… tired…"

"We wont leave ya Donnie." Mikey said as he grip on Don's hand, "We'll stay right here."

"Don'… alone… tired…" Don gave another yawn, "don' wanna…alone…please...not...again."

As Don fell back a sleep, his brothers were very confused.

"Whatya think that was all about." Raph asked.

"I think he doesn't want to be alone again." Leo said.

"What do ya mean Leo?" Mikey asked, "Don hasn't been alone."

"I don't know." Leo thought for a minute, "do you guys remember what Don said right before he attacked the Elite?"

They both shook their heads no.

"He said _You wont take my brothers from me again."_ Leo paused, collecting his thoughts, "Do you guys think that maybe when he saw the Elite about to finish us off that his mind remembered losing us in that future he was sent to?"

They sat in silence for a while. They all remembered how upset Don had been when they returned from that adventure. He became obsessed with training. He shut himself in his lab when he wasn't doing that. Hardly eating. The nightmares that had him clinging to anyone one who came near, for comfort. It took him a week to tell the others where he had gone and what had happened.

Mikey unconsciously squeezed Don's hand tighter.

They felt more than saw the door to the lab open.

"Good morning my sons."

They all looked up, "Morning Sensei."

"How are you all feeling today?" Splinter asked as he crossed the room to Donatello's cot.

"We're alright" Leo answered for them all.

"And Donatello?"

"He woke up for about fifteen minutes, I think. He just recently fell back a sleep. Mikey and I gave him a dose of morphine, earlier, so he's comfortable." Raph replied.

"I am glad to hear it. Now then, Ms. O'Neil is preparing breakfast and I believe all of you should go join her and Mr. Jones in the kitchen."

"Can't we eat in here with Don Sensei?" Mikey asked.

"I will stay with Donatello for now. Please go have something to eat."

"Come on Mike, you grab Leo. We'll come back later." Raph said standing up.

Mike cast one more glance at Don before moving around to help Leo again.

Splinter took a seat in Leonardo's recently vacated chair. He placed a paw on his son's forehead and simply stroked it much like when they were young. He had seen Raphael do the same. Splinter knew it had always helped Donatello calm down. He wondered if Raphael knew it as well or if he just wanted contact with his brother.

Splinter smiled sadly as he spoke, "You have surprised me yet again Donatello. You have shown me and your brothers that there is more to you than meets the eye."

"I only hope we will be able to help you heal from this ordeal, because I know you, my gentle son, and facing what you have done will be one of the hardest things you will have to do."

"Morning guys" April called out as they entered the kitchen, "Grab a seat, pancakes are almost done."

April had gone over board with breakfast this morning, but was in too good of mood to care, besides, knowing the guys and Casey there won't be anything left.

The guys took in the mounds of food spread across the table. There was fried and scramble eggs, bacon, pancakes, fruit, and hash-browns.

Leo dished up a plate for each of his brother, as April brought over milk and juice. They all dug in, the guys especially since they missed dinner last night.

They all ate in silence for a time, simply enjoying the meal.

"This is really good, thanks April" Leo said as he went back for seconds.

"Yeah, thanks" Raph and Mike said together, holding out their plates for more.

"What do you say?" Leo grinned.

Mike and Raph whispered back and forth for a moment, before turning to Leo with matching grins and saying, at the same time, "Pleeeeease Big Brother."

Mikey even threw in his puppy dog eyes. April and Casey burst out laughing.

Leo rolled his eyes but couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face.

Once Raph and Mikey's plates were filled again, April spoke.

"Has Splinter talked to you guys yet about the farmhouse."

"No"

"Well he asked if you guys could use it to recuperate. He said Donnie was especially gonna need it."

Things got quiet again as they all remembered the purple turtle laying in the lab and the video of the fight.

Mikey was the first to speak, "So… when do we do we leave?"

Don woke again some time around dinner. Leo was sitting with him this time. For some reason they had all gotten into the habit of having to be in contact with Don in some way. Since they couldn't talk to him, they settled for the physical contact.

Don had always been the calming force in their volatile home. Even now, in his healing slumber, his calming presence worked wonders.

Mikey was finally getting back to his old self and had played a prank that Raph didn't was very funny, but rather than taking off for his room or the tunnels, he stomped into the lab.

After a while, Leo had hobbled over, intending to take over for Raph. But stopped when he heard Raph talking. Thinking at first that Don was awake again, only to realize Raph was just talking, the anger gone and forgotten. He decided to come back later.

As he sat there thinking about his brothers when Leo came to a startling revelation. They all went to Don when they needed comfort, to vent, or just feel the calming presence that was Donatello.

Raph had always gone to Don when he needed to talk. Leo knew his two brothers didn't have much in common outside of the vehicles they worked on, but Don had always listened to Raph in that understanding, nonjudgmental way of his.

There had been nights after really bad fights with Raph that Leo, had in fact, snuck into Don's room just to feel that calmness, he remembered the one night Don had caught him.

"_Leo?" Don said as he sat up, rubbing a hand over his face, is something wrong?"_

_Leo sat there unable to think of anything to say or how to explain to Don why he was there._

"_You know you can always talk to me, whatever it is?"_

_Leo stared down at the floor unable to speak. He looked up when he felt a blanket draped over his shoulders. Don gave him a smile and sat down next to him, a blanket wrapped around his own shoulders._

"_So, the fight was that bad, huh?"_

'_Don knew he'd done this before?'_

_Leo looked at him in surprise. Sighing, 'of course Don knew, he's Don'_

"_Wanna talk about it?"_

_Leo shook his head._

_Taking him by surprise again, Don leaned over and rested his head against Leo's shoulder, "I'm here if you change your mind."_

_Leo simply leaned his cheek against Don's head._

They stayed like that the whole night. He never did tell Don the whole reason he sought sanctuary in his room after a bad fight, but Don never seemed to mind.

Suddenly Leo had another thought. Who did Don talk to?

Hearing his brother groan yanked him out of his thoughts.

"Don?"

"Huh?"

"Hey Don"

"Leo?"

"How ya feeling?"

"..urts"

"Ok, just a sec." Leo reached over to the bottle and syringe lying on the desk. He quickly got the morphine ready, but just before he gave it to Don,

"Not… so much."

"What Don?"

"Not…so much. Don' wanna… sleep… more." Don said through pained breaths.

"Ok Don."

Inserting the needle, he gave Don only half of what was in the syringe.

"Thanks" Don said as he took a few deep breaths.

"Good now?"

"Yeah... can think now."

They were both silent for a few moments. Leo could almost hear Don's mind clicking into gear and couldn't stop the smile that broke out on his face.

Don shot his brother a puzzled look.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing" Leo couldn't stop the soft chuckle that escaped when he spoke.

Raising an eye ridge at his brother, "Oooo-kay…"

They sat there for a few moments before Don spoke again, "Umm Leo?"

"Yeah, you need something?"

"Well, I kinda need to…"

"To what Don?"

Don mumbled something.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you?"

"_bathroom_" he whispered.

"What"

"Bathroom. I need to... use the bathroom" he said.

"Oh… ummm just a sec." Grabbing his crutches he made his way out the door. A few moments later, Leo came back with Mikey and Raph.

"So I hear you wanna take a little trip" Mikey said cheekily, not bothering trying to hid his grin.

"Yeah, yeah…just come help me, please." Chuckling Mikey crossed to him. Once they got him sitting up, Raph helped him put the sling on that he brought with him. With Mikey's help Don rose shakily to his feet. Mike had tucked his shoulder under Don's good arm and wrapped his around his brother's shell.

The process was rather slow. Don was rather shaky on his feet. Raph walked a few steps behind Mike and Don as they crossed to the bathroom. Don didn't look up, he concentrated on making sure his feet kept moving. Once they reached the bathroom, he waited patiently for his brothers to leave,

"Ummm…do you guys mind. I think... I can handle it from... here"

Shooting glances at each other, they turned back to Don, not really sure they should leave him alone.

"Guys…please…I really need to go."

"Fine, but we'll be right outside."

The closed the door behind them as they exited and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

"Come on Don. What ya doing in there."

Finally they heard the faint sound of water running and then the door opened.

"Sorry" he mumbled as he came out.

Mikey quickly took his position under Don's arm again. As they headed back to the lab, Don spoke.

"Ummm…could I maybe hang out... on the couch for... a while. I mean, that cot... is really starting to get... uncomfortable."

The guys all chuckled.

"Alright" and with that Mike headed towards the couch.

Once Don was situated on the couch, Raph draped a blanket over his lab and Mikey plopped down next him, Leo in the chair to his left, Raph remained standing.

"Sooooo…" Mikey said.

Don felt the tension in the room building.

"Guys?"

"Yeah" they all said.

"Could you... tell me... something."

"Sure Don. Whatya wanna know." Raph asked.

"Wha'.. exactly happ'n... to us?"

Three shot looks at one another.

Leo looked to Don, "You mean you don't remember?"

"No…why what... happened."

"What's the last thing you remember?" Raph asked ignoring Don's question.

Don entered what they liked to call 'thoughtful mode'. His face went blank. He usually did this when contemplating a problem or a difficult situation.

Don's eyes moved to the floor as he spoke, "fighting with Raph and Leo after practice."

"You don't remember anything after that."

Don shook his head, still not looking at any of them.

"Do you think we should show him the video, Leo" Raph whispered.

"I don't know. Maybe we should go talk to Master Splinter." Leo said as he pushed himself out of the chair. Raph handed him his crutches.

"Guys we're gonna go tell Splinter Don is up. Mikey why don't you go make Don some soup or something. Casey and April should be back with the groceries soon."

"Right. Any requests Don?"

"Hmmm"

"Don?"

"Oh…sorry Mike. Ummm…some vegetable soup sounds good right about now."

"One bowl of Mikey's Veggie Soup coming up."

And with that Don was left alone. Again.

Reaching forward he snagged the remote off the coffee table. He flipped through the channels, not finding anything interesting, he went to turn it off. Only he hit the input button by mistake. Seeing the disc appear in the corner, he hoped what ever DVD was playing wasn't one of Mikey's monster flicks.

He was surprised to see his desk to come into view.

As Leo and Raph sat in Splinter's room waiting to see what he thought of the conclusions they had come to.

"I agree with you many sons. Donatello's mind is choosing to forget this incident for right now. We must be prepared for when he does remember."

"Hai Sensei" they both responded.

"Where is the DVD now?"

"It's still in the…" Raph didn't finish the sentence as they realized where the DVD was and who they had left there.

They froze when they heard someone screaming "NOOOOOOO!"

Raph scrambled to get up and was out the door in an instant.

He hadn't realized soon enough.

He was too late.

Mikey was humming to himself as he went about making his special veggie soup Don loved so much.

He kept an ear on the TV center, listening in case Don needed something.

He froze when he heard someone screaming "NOOOOOOO!"

Dropping everything, he spirited into the living room.

He was too late.

Don stared in amazement as the he listened to himself run across the rooftops.

Suddenly the screen was filled with Leo being knocked down onto the rooftop with Mikey and Raph with the Elite surrounding them.

Don's eyes widened as he saw the Elite raise their weapons.

He suddenly found himself screaming along with himself on the video "NOOOOOO!"

His head started throbbing, crying out in pain, he passed out, falling off the couch, onto the floor.


	10. Come Back

Chapter 10 Come Back 

Battleshell was quiet. The occupants were all busy with their own thoughts. April and Casey rode up front.

Mikey sat silent and still, usual for the hyperactive turtle.

Raph sat brooding. Blaming himself.

Master Splinter sat trying to meditate.

Leo was also trying to meditate much like Splinter, but not having any luck.

All three of the turtles kept glancing at the fourth.

Donatello sat in the very back, his back to his family. He had yet to speak a word since his collapse in the lair.

_Don stared in amazement as the he listened to himself run across the rooftops._

_Suddenly the screen was filled with Leo being knocked down onto the rooftop with Mikey and Raph with the Elite surrounding them._

_Don's eyes widened as he saw the Elite raise their weapons._

_He suddenly found himself screaming along with himself on the video "NOOOOOO!"_

_His head started throbbing, crying out in pain, he passed out, falling off the couch onto the floor._

"_Donnie!" Raph and Mikey both yelled as they reached the couch, seeing Don lying on the floor._

"_Donnie? Come on bro, don't do this to us." Mikey pleaded._

"_DAMNIT! Why didn't we take that DVD out!" Raph cursed._

_They couldn't pick him up. They'd have to wait for Casey and April to return to help them. For the time being they rolled him onto his back. Mikey sat with his shell against the couch and used his lap as a pillow for Don's head._

_Twenty minutes later April and Casey returned with the groceries. As Raph explained what happened, Casey picked Don up and carried him back to the lab._

_Several hours later his eyes snapped open, but he did not speak._

_April did a few tests and the best diagnosis she could some up with was,_

"_Stupor? What the hell does that mean?" Raph demanded._

"_It means he's not going to react to things going on around him. He'll remain motionless or in one position for long periods of time. He wont make eye contact and he'll remain mute and rigid."_

"_Well how do we cure him?" Leo wanted to know._

_April was biting her lip at this point, "Other than using medications, we need him to face the underlying problem."_

"_You mean we gotta get him to face the fact that he killed those Elite to save us."_

"_Basically."_

"_Great. Just great. How in the hell are we suppose to do that?"_

"_Raphael. Calm yourself my son. We will get Donatello back. You all have a bond between you that you must use."_

"_Kinda like what we did with Leo, Mister Splinter?" Mikey asked._

"_Exactly Michelangelo." Splinter said with a small smile, "I believe it would be best if we left for the farmhouse as soon as possible. Perhaps being there will remove some of the stress Donatello is under."_

_Leonardo had been packing Donatello's laptop when he noticed a notebook lying on Don's desk._

"_Don's journal" he whispered to himself. 'I shouldn't be looking at this' he thought. Before he had a chance, Raph was yelling at him to hurry up. He quickly threw the notebook in with the laptop. Thinking maybe it would help._

Leonardo's thoughts drifted back to Don's journal. Deciding to leave that for when they arrived at the farmhouse, he carefully stood and made his way back to Donatello. Thinking of the nights he sat in Don's room. Leo couldn't help the sadness that hit his heart as sat next to his brother.

"Hey Don" he kept his voice low so only Don would hear him

He picked up Don's hand as he spoke, "Do you remember how you said you would always be there if I needed to talk. Well I need to talk to you now. Only you wont answer me. I need you to come back to us Donnie. I need to apologize. I need to get things back to normal between us. Raph and I will kill each other if you don't and who's gonna keep Mikey out of trouble, well," he chuckled," serious trouble any ways."

Don never moved. Sighing, Leo gave Don's hand a tighter squeeze.

"Come back to us Donnie" he whispered as he leaned his head against Don's. He stayed there trying to get the brother he loved and missed the last two years to come back to him.

As the travel wary group pulled up to the old farmhouse, each set out to settle-in in their own way. Mikey helped Leo as Raph lead Don inside. Before the both returned to bring in their bags. Casey and April carried in the groceries and Splinter disappeared into the house soon after they arrived.

Once everyone was settled Mikey and April got started on supper. Went out and chopped wood for the fireplace. As Leo sat in the room he usually shared with Don whenever they came here, he remembered the journal. Leaning over the end of the bed he grab the travel case and pulled out the journal. He opened the book up to a random page and just started to read,

_Well it's been three months since Leo left, a little over two months since we received his last letter. Mikey remains hopeful that he'll write soon. Splinter is finally getting back to his old self after being sick for so long._

_I still find it weird that I have a job, but we have to pay for Splinter's medication and food some how. Mikey has been making noises about an idea he has for a job he can do. I'm not really sure if he's serious or not…_

Remembering what Raph and Mikey had told him as they waited for Don to wake, he started just skimming pages.

"Hey Donnie Boy" Raph said as he sat down by Don in the living room, "I was wondering if you wanted to go sit outside with me. I know you're not gonna answer, but I'm asking any ways. Come on bro, stand up." Raph pulled on Don's arm once he was standing, waiting for the other turtle to comply. It took a few minutes, but Don finally stood and walked outside with Raph.

Finding a spot under one of the many trees surrounding the house, Raph helped Don down to the ground before sitting next to him. They just sat there for a few minutes, Raph trying to gather his thoughts.

"Ya know Donnie, I am sorry about the way I treated you when Leo was gone. I shoulda tried to help you out more rather than make more trouble like I did. I was just so mad that Splinter had placed you in charge. I realize now after talking to Leo why he did that."

"And you were right when you said me, Mikey and Master Splinter never gave you, Donnie, a chance to prove you could lead. We were all so used to Leo being there, when he left it threw every thing we knew out the window. As I look back now, I can see everything you did to try and keep us together and make Leo being gone easier. I'm sorry I always turned you down when you asked for help and that I wasn't around when Splinter was sick. I don't blame you if you don't wanna come back, but you just gotta Donnie boy. Who else ever listened to my B.S. but you. And I know things are better between me and Leo but how long do think that will last without your level head around to knock some sense into us every once in a while. And who's gonna keep Mikey from completely destroying the lair. Please come back Donnie. We need you."

Sighing, Raph turned to watch the sunset between the trees. He was surprised to feel a weight on his shoulder.

Turning his head, he realized that Don was leaning his head against his shoulder.

Raph couldn't stop the smile that came out as he wrapped his good arm around Don's shoulders. 'Well it's a start' Raph thought.

Soon everyone was gathered around the dinning room table. Mikey took it upon himself to feed Don the soup he and April had made.

The meal was somewhat of a quiet affair. Raph shared what happened outside with everyone. The mood got somewhat better.

Once the meal was complete and the dishes were done they all gathered in the living room and enjoyed the fire.

Splinter sighing, tipped Leo off that something was troubling him.

"Sensei are you alright?" he asked.

"As well as one can be expected right now Leonardo. I was just remembering."

That caught everyone's interest.

"What were you remember Master Splinter?" April asked.

"My sons when they were younger."

"Tiny turtle story time." Mikey said, earning a lite swat from Raph.

"Not a story Michelangelo. I was just remembering when you were all beginning to speak. Donatello reminds me of that small turtle he use to be."

"Leonardo, Raphael and Michelangelo were all constantly chattering nonsense, trying to communicate with one another. Donatello was unnaturally quiet compared to his brothers. I had worried he was not intelligent as the others." This caused a chuckle from the three turtles.

"Yet he watched everything around him with those quiet, understanding eyes. It unnerved me at the time to be watched like that by him."

"Michelangelo was the first to speak. I'm sure you all can guess what his first word was."

Casey and April cast a glance at Raph and Leo, who were trying to contain their laughter.

"What's so funny guys?" Casey asked.

"You mean you don't know?" Raph said between breaths.

"You don't mean…" April said.

"Yep" Leo said

"Mikey was your first word really 'PIZZA'?" She asked.

"Hey it's not that funny." Mikey grumbled.

"Yeah it is because I think you use to pronounce it…" Raph looked at Leo and together they said "PEEZAH" before they fell back against the couch from laughing so hard.

"Hardy har har."

"As I was saying Michelangelo was first. Leonardo and Raphael learned at the same time in order to retaliate to one another's taunts."

"Wait a minute." Casey said, "You mean the only reason Leo and Raph learned to talk was so they could insult one another."

"Yes. I believe Raphael's first word was 'dummy' and Leonardo's was 'bully'. Where they learned these words. I have never figured out."

This time it was Mikey who fell back laughing so hard. Even April started giggling as Raph and Leo turned red.

Once again Splinter waited for the laughter to die down.

"Donatello, however, remained silent. The only thing was he always seemed to understand everything that was going on around. Often better than his brothers. He even acted more mature than them. Even then he was compassionate and an excellent listener, I believe the not talking did help in that area. I realized that Donatello would one day share that keen intellect that surpassed his brothers, but only when he was ready."

"Raphael had his physical strength, Leonardo had his balance and leadership skills, and Michelangelo had his playful nature and quickness. Donatello was a hard worker and proved to be rather clever. His contribution to their group dynamic would indeed be unique. "

That was when the group noticed that Donatello was facing them, where as before he sat facing the fire. He was also making eye contact with Master Splinter.

"Yes my sons, Donatello will return to us. Much like when I waited to hear his first word, we must be patient. He will come back when he is ready."

"Master Splinter, you told us what Mikey, Leo and Raph's first words were. What was Don's?"

A tear escaped Splinter's eye as he told them, "Donatello's first word was 'Splinter'."


	11. Journal Entries pt 1

Chapter 11 Journal Entries 

Leo hadn't gotten very fair into Don's Journal before April asked him to help with dinner. She didn't what him to cook anything, just cut up vegetables.

After everyone had gone to bed, Leo pulled the journal out from the laptop bag. Reaching over he turned on the bedside lamp. Mikey hadn't wanted to let Don out of his sight so he and Don were all camped out in the living room. Raph was next door.

Leo opened the journal up to the page he had marked…

_

* * *

Journal Entry 32_

_I hope Leo comes home soon or at least sends word that he's ok. I don't know if I can hold things together anymore. I need help. Raph does nothing but sleep all day and then disappears at night. Some times he's gone for days at a time. Mikey is at least helping out a little. His Cowabunga Carl Party Service seems to be working out._

_Although I don't think things are going the way Mikey planned._

_

* * *

Journal Entry 33_

I can't keep being both Leader and the Brain. It's too much. I have no one to talk to. Mike and Raph don't listen. All I get out of Splinter are Confucius sayings and other sage advice. Not that I don't appreciate it, but I just wish once that he could tell me what I'm suppose to be doing.

Between the hotline, lair maintenance, keeping the security system running, all the daily chores of paying bills, buying groceries, making sure Splinter takes his medicine, etc.

I really hope Leo comes back soon.

* * *

Leo decided to skip ahead, hoping to find some clue to Don's attitude change.

* * *

_Journal Entry 57_

_I can't do it any more. Why do I bother trying. They don't care. Raph has given up on Leo coming back. Even Mikey is starting to get worried. I'm trying to hang onto the hope that Leo will come back. _

_Some day._

_

* * *

Journal Entry 58_

_It's been almost a week since my last entry. So much has happened, but I'm left all alone. My brothers have all left me._

_Let me explain:_

_Four days ago Mikey and Raph got into a huge fight. Mikey was actually standing up for me for once. Raph couldn't just let it drop. They torn the common room apart. The TV was smashed, furniture broken. They nearly made it into my computer alcove, but I was just able to stop them._

_I didn't know what to say. I could Raph was expecting a lecture. Instead I conceded defeat before the battle even started. When I remerged from my room a few minutes later, Mikey was still standing there. Raph was long gone. Big surprise._

_Mikey helped me clean up some what, but all he was really able to do was pick and throw away anything that was beyond saving. Once we finished he disappeared too._

_They came back several hours later, while I was working on new security cameras. Drunk as skunks. Sighing I got up knowing they would be better off in the infirmary rather than their own rooms. Well it would make my life easier if they slept it off on the infirmary._

_Raph had other ideas. As I tried to steer him into the room, he kept telling me he didn't need my help. I should be listened. He caught me with that right cross of his. I was able to stay on my feet._

_That was when Raph told me, 'I don't want you for a brother anymore'_

_I was finally able to get him onto one of the tables._

_I could hear Mikey laughing in the background. As I helped him get up off the floor he started in. 'Geez Don, not much of a ninja are ya. I mean Raph could barely stand and he still gives ya a black eye._

'_Come on Mike, let's get you to bed to.'_

_Then Mikey told me 'I don't need you for a brother anymore.'_

_It was all I could do to set the aspirin, water and garbage pails out for them. They would need them tomorrow. Then I went to see Splinter. _

_I told him I needed a few days alone. He agreed to let me go, with the promise that I was not running away from my problems._

_I spent the next four days in a room further in the sewers, no one but I knew about it. I spent much of that time meditate, or trying to meditate, and trying to find my center again, but I couldn't all I could do was bury most of what I was feeling deeper inside me. I knew it wasn't healthy, but what other choice did I have._

_

* * *

Journal Entry 59_

_I'm back at home today. Raph and Mikey came in to apologize for their behavior. They didn't remember a thing from that night. I thought about showing them the tape I discovered when I returned home._

_They were surprised when I didn't give them my forgiveness, but like I told them, I can't spare the extra energy it takes to constantly forgive me._


	12. Disappearing Act

Chapter 12 

The next few days passed in relative peace. They would each spend time talking to Donatello one-on-one. Although he did not show great improvement, he gave them little signs to show he was there.

Leo continued to read Don's journal, only at night though. After that first night, he went back and started reading from the beginning. He did not want to miss any thing important.

He knew when he finished that he needed to share whatever he found with his family.

* * *

Mikey would glance over his shoulder every so often, just checking on Don. It was difficult for all of them to deal with. Donatello, his genius brother, had to be hand fed. He had to lead him around much like a small child. It was tearing Mikey up on the inside. 

Don sat staring at the table.

Sighing he turned back to dinner. They had discovered it was easiest to feed Don soup, but the rest of family couldn't live off of it.

So Mikey turned back to the pasta and chicken he was working on.

'I wish I knew how to help Donnie.'

Hearing the backdoor open, Mike turned to watch Raph make his way through to the kitchen.

"Hey Mike. Anything?"

Mike simply shook his head, as Raph slide into a chair.

"Supper gonna be ready soon?"

"Yeah about ten minutes maybe."

They both fell silent again. The only sounds were the sizzle of the chicken cooking and birds outside.

They both looked up when they heard the squeak of Leo's crutches. Leo did not look happy.

"Leo…" Mikey said.

He didn't say anything. Just tossed a book on the top.

Raph reached out cautiously and picked it up, "Don's journal?"

"Read it. Both of you. Then we'll talk." Leo snapped as he left.

Raph tossed a glance at Mikey before looking back at journal in his hands.

"Well…" Mikey started, "you want to read it first or should I?"

Raph simply stood and walked outside. The journal clutched in his hand.

"Ok…guess you can read it first." Mikey mumbled.

Neither had noticed Don was no longer in the room.

* * *

Leo was mad. He was frustrated. He… 

Throwing the crutches across the room, Leo stood braced against the window.

He couldn't believe what he just read.

How could his family not of seen what was going on with Don.

How could he not of seen it.

* * *

Raph crossed to the same tree that he and Don had sat under every time Raph wanted to talk. Some how they always ended up with Don leaning on Raph shoulder and Raph's arm around Don. 

For a few minutes he just stared at the notebook. It was common knowledge amongst them that although Don loved technology, he always preferred paper and pencil to write.

Finally, knowing he would have to do it sooner or later, he opened to the first page.

The first few pages were just random thoughts and things Don had written down. Random stuff that had happened around the lair, pranks Mikey had pulled, ideas for new gadgets, improvements for the lair…

Deciding to skip a head few pages, he found the entries about Leo leaving and Don being named leader…

_

* * *

Journal Entry 19_

_I can't believe it. Leo is leaving me alone with Raph and Mikey for a whole year. _

_A YEAR. AHHHHHHH!!!!_

_Ok, maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I need to. I mean maybe it will be a chance for me and Raph to get to know each other better. I mean it's not like we have a lot in common._

_And he's gonna need help around lair, seeing as he's gonna be leader now. Maybe it will turn out to be a good thing._

_Hmmm… I wonder what Splinter wanted to talk to me about. He mentioned wanting to talk once Leo left._

_Journal Entry 20_

_I can't believe it. This is so not good. _

_I just had my talk with Splinter, and lets just say I wouldn't of even been able to guess the reason he wanted to talk._

_Splinter just named me leader for the time Leo's gone._

_Not Raph! Me!_

_ME!_

_This is not good. Raph isn't taking it any better than I am. Actually he's taking it a lot worse. Splinter had barely made the announcement before Raph had stomped out the door._

_This is going to me a fun year._

_Why ME! _

_I'm not leader material. That's Raph and Leo. Sure I can handle it when we are doing something that deals with mechanics or electronics or stuff I know about, but Raph knows the city so much better. He's the better fighter. He doesn't have to look at all the angle, although his tendency to jump in without looking gets us into trouble some times._

_AHHHHHH!!!!_

* * *

Raph closed the book and thought about what he had just read. He knew Don hadn't wanted to be leader. 

In fact, the first few days after Leo was gone Don had tried to talk to him about what he thought was the best areas to patrol and which to avoid. He thought Don was just trying to rub Raph's face in the fact that he was leader.

Now Raph knew he was looking for help in a position he had never held. Raph added that little fact to the long list wrongs he had concerning Don from the last two years.

Sighing, he started reading again.

* * *

Humming, Mike finished the salad and removed the chicken. Reaching into the fridge he pulled out Don's bowl of soup and put it in the microwave to heat it up. 

Grapping the stack of plates and silverware, he turned to set the table.

Only to noticed he was the only one in the kitchen.

'That's weird' he thought, 'Don never moves unless one of us is moving him'

Thinking maybe someone had came and got him.

"Hey April" he yelled.

"What Mikey?" she answered back coming into the kitchen.

"Quick question about Don's condition."

"Sure what's up?"

"Would Don, at any point, move around by himself, even though we've been having to move him around?"

"Well, it's highly unlikely." Noticing Mikey's face at her answer, "Why?"

"Ummm… well, because…" Mikey stammered, "Don't freak out ok?"

"Mikey what's wrong?"

"Idon'tknowwhereDonnieis."

"What!?!"

"He was sitting right there, not five minutes ago. And now he's gone" Mikey was now entering what they called 'panic mode'.

"Mikey…Mikey deep breaths ok?"

She gave him a few moments, "Ok, who has been here in since you last saw him."

"Umm… Raph and Leo"

"Ok, did either of them take him with them when they left."

He shook his head.

"Ok, let's tell everybody and go look for him."

Mikey was out the door before she finished.

* * *

Mikey all but flew out the door, 'Oh man. Oh man. Where'd he go' 

Catching sight of Raph beneath a tree, he took off in his direction.

"Raph! Raph!"

Raph scrubbed a hand across his eyes before looking up at Mikey. "What!"

"Please please tell me you've seen Donnie."

"No, I left him in the kitchen with you, remember. Hey wait a minute." He said standing up

Mikey would've taken off upon hearing his answer, but Raph snagged his bandana tails.

"What's goin on?"

"We don't know where Don is!" Mikey said jerking free and taking off for the barn.

"WHAT!!!"

* * *

Leo, Splinter, and April checked the house, while Raph and Casey looked in the surrounding woods. Mikey had the barn to check. 

'Where'd he go?'

He had searched the lower level and the small underground storage room. All that was left was the loft. Slowly he climbed the ladder. This part of the barn was dark now that the sun was nearly set, so Mikey had to be careful where he stepped.

Suddenly he heard a small shuffling sound coming from the other end of the loft. Quickly crossing, hoping it wasn't a raccoon or a bird.

He let out a sigh of relief as he caught a glimpse of olive-green skin.

Making a little more noise, so he didn't scare Donnie, he crossed in front of the previously MIA turtle.

"Hey, Donnie." He said softly, "you gave us quite a scare disappearing like that."

Getting no response, he sat down in front of Don. That was when he noticed that Don wasn't wearing his mask anymore.

"Donnie? Where's your mask?" he reached over and grasped his brother's hand. "Donnie?"

Sighing, 'I better let the others know I found him.' Making to stand up, Mikey suddenly found himself being dragged back down, only to find himself with his arm full of a shaking olive-green turtle.

"What the…"

Don was clinging to him like he would disappear if he let go.

"Donnie? Hey Donnie, it's ok. It's ok. I'm not going anywhere, ok. It's ok" Mikey murmured. He shifted and sat up, while still hanging onto Don. Being careful of the stitches in Don's arm.

"Donnie, it's ok." He whispered. He stilled when he heard a soft voice,

"Don't leave me"

He felt like some had sucked all the air out of him. 'Donnie spoke. DONNIE SPOKE!'

Knowing the everybody was panicking, but he couldn't leave Don, for fear that Don would get worse if he did leave him.

"Ok Donnie. Ok. I'm going anywhere. I'll stay right here with you. I'm right here Don. Right here."

Remembering how Donnie always calmed him down after a nightmare, Mikey began to hum and rubbed circles on his brother shell with his good hand, as he rocked them slowly back and forth.

* * *

'This is bad ' Raph thought to himself. 

They had been looking for at least twenty minutes and there was still no sign of Don.

Gathering on the porch, they tried to decide what to do. That was when April noticed Mike wasn't there.

"Last I saw, he was running towards the barn" Raph said.

Without a word, Leo took off towards the barn, as fast as he could on the crutches, with Raph right on his heels.

"Mikey. Mikey are you in here?" Leo called.

"Up here." Came a soft reply from the loft.

With help from Raph, Leo made it up to the loft. Followed shortly by Raph, who handed Leo his crutches.

"Hey guys" Mikey whispered when his brothers came into view, so as not to disturb Don.

Upon seeing Don asleep in Mikey's lab, Raph and Leo both let out the breath they had been holding.

"Geez, Mikey why didn't ya let us know you found 'im" Raph asked.

"I couldn't" Mikey said, "When I went to get up and tell you guys that I found him, he wouldn't let me go."

"What do ya mean? Don doesn't move on his own."

"Well if that was true, then how did he get up here?" Mikey asked.

Leo and Raph shared a look at that comment, "He has a point" Leo mumbled.

That was Raph noticed the tears running down Mike's face, "Mikey you ok?"

Mikey nodded and sniffled.

"Mikey what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Leo asked as Raph lowered him down next to Mike and Don.

Mikey looked up at Leo band then Raph, smiling "Donnie spoke."


	13. Journal Entries pt 2

Chapter 13 Journal Entries Pt. 2 Journal

* * *

_Entry 83_

_I don't see the point in trying to keep doing what I'm doing. Our lives have only gotten worse. Every day another battle with Raph. Another day of being civil to Mikey._

_My Brothers are gone. They left me again. _

_My Best Friend is gone. He's forgotten me._

_I'm all alone._

_I don't want to be alone anymore._

_I'm tired of fighting._

_No one talks to me._

_But worst of all, no one listens to me._

_

* * *

Journal Entry 84_

_I've Failed_

_I've failed as leader,_

_I've failed as the brain,_

_I've failed as a brother,_

_I've failed as a son,_

_I've failed as a friend._

_I failed to keep my family together. _

_I failed to keep them safe._

_I've failed them all._

_I failed in my promise to Leo._

_I failed to keep Mikey smiling._

_I failed to keep Splinter proud of me._

_I failed being there for Raph._

* * *

Raph scrubbed a hand over his eyes as he reread those last two entries. Then he heard Mikey yelling for him. 


	14. Mistakes are Realized and Made

Chapter 14 

Raph left his brothers to go tell Splinter, April, and Casey they had found Don.

"Mikey"

Looking over at Leo, Mike continued rubbing Don's shell, even though he had long since fallen asleep.

"Yeah Leo?"

Leo was quiet for a moment,

"You said Don spoke?"

Mike nodded, his eyes slightly teary and his smile was small.

"What…" Leo cleared his throat, "what did he say?"

Mikey looked back down at Donnie. He lay curled up on his side, his breathing was deep and even. Mike stopped rubbing circles and picked up one of Don's hands.

When he looked back up at Leo, his smile gone and his eyes were full of sadness.

"Don't leave me." he whispered.

Leo looked taken back, before he scooted over and placed his hand over both his brothers' and wrapped his other arm around Mike.

A few minutes later Raph returned.

He stood slightly away from the three for a moment. Merely watching them. Then he too sat down and placed his hand on his sleeping brothers arm and leaned against Mike.

That was how the others found still, an hour later.

* * *

It had been three days after Don's little disappearing act that Raph finished the journal. He had given it to Mike earlier that morning. 

Once again, he found himself beneath that same tree.

Leo found him just staring at the tree line in front of him.

Carefully he lowered himself to the ground next to Raph.

For quite some time neither of them spoke.

"He never chased me down while you were gone"

Leo looked over at Raph confused.

"After you left, he never chased after me to see if I was alright or if I wanted to talk."

"I know everybody thinks me and Don aren't exactly close or anything but I could always talk to him. It was easiest when we were working in the garage because that's what we talked about: modifications, repairs, new ideas for various vehicles."

"Then there were the times I would came back to the lair in the early morning, he would still be up and I would join him in his lab. Those were the times he talked and I listened. I never did really understand most of what he said, I was merely a sounding board for him to bounce ideas off of."

"And then there was the times he would chase me down after the fights. He'd sit and wait until I was ready to talk. He never said a word while I talked about my doubts, my anger, what was bothering me, my thoughts. He never said a word until he was sure I had said everything, only then would he talk.

"He was always so perceptive, still is. He always seemed to know what was bugging me even before I even said. I know he's the same with you and Mike, but I was just glad someone understood me, even when I didn't understand myself."

"But after you left, he didn't chase me down anymore. He couldn't and I resented him for it. I resented you for it. But mostly I resented myself for not being able to talk to him anymore."

He paused for a moment, sighing, he continued,

"He changed after you left, Leo. He wasn't Donnie anymore. He tried to be both of you and it didn't bring out the best in him. All the great qualities he had that could've made him a great leader disappeared. He became distant. Withdrawn after time."

"Even Mikey had issues with this new Don. And you know how close those two were, are" he amended quickly,

"It was like he didn't know who he was anymore."

Leo had stayed silent through everything he said. Thinking about what Raph was saying, about what Don had written in his journal.

Raph smiled slightly as though remembering something, "Do you realize that when Don helped Mikey pull his pranks no one got mad."

"Remember that one time Don pranked us all, including Splinter, and didn't get in trouble for it?" Leo asked.

Raph started chuckling as he remembered…

_Leo heard the pad of feet just outside his bedroom._

'_Hmmm…Mikey's up too something' he thought to himself._

_That probably wasn't a good thing. Everyone had been in particularly bad mood, including Master Splinter, for some reason lately. _

_Well, everyone except Don, but then he stayed in his lab so much recently, Leo hadn't really noticed._

_Knowing that he would have to be ready for anything today, he climbed out of bed._

_As he opened his to leave…_

"_AAAHHHHHH!!!!"_

_He regretted the decision to leave his room the second he opened his door. He now stood freezing cold._

_His cry of shock had woken two of his brothers._

"_What's goin on!" Raph came storming out of his room._

_Leo could only stare at his red-banded brother… or should he say his pink-banded brother before he doubled over in laughter._

_Not only was Raph's mask pink, but he himself was a very vivid shade of hot pink._

_Raph in turn was having no more success at containing his laughter._

_Leo was a very vibrant shade of Neon Orange._

_It was when they pointed at one another that they realized why the other was laughing._

_Gaping at themselves, they both reached the same conclusion at the same time._

"_MIKEY!" they both bellowed._

"_What" came the response from the first level. A very much still a sleep Michelangelo trudged out of his room, rubbing his hands up and down his face._

_Leo and Raph fell against each other because they laughing so hard they couldn't stay up right._

_Mikey was a very nice shade of electric blue; he also had what appeared to flowers painted in neon pink on his shell._

"_My sons what is the meaning of all this noise?"_

_Three faces turned towards the voice only to feel their jaws drop at the sight of their father._

_Splinter was a very bright shade of purple._

_It was too much for Mikey. His father was purple, Leo was neon orange and Raph was neon pink, but it was the neon blue butterflies painted on Raph's shell and the neon purple clouds on Leo that caused him to lose it._

_Soon his brothers were laughing so hard they were rolling on the floor._

_Even Splinter was chuckling at the sight of his very brightly colored sons._

_Donatello ever so carefully opened his bedroom door. Seeing his brothers rolling around on the floor and his father laughing as well, he knew he had succeed._

_Later, Splinter had spoke to him about his pranks, but when Don explained to all of them that he couldn't take the depressed mood in the lair anymore he knew he had to do something, because even Mikey wasn't smiling anymore._

_He informed them the colors would wear off after a shower or two and Splinters dye job would rinse out after a washing as well._

_They of course had to retaliate._

_Mikey and Leo held Don down while Raph tickle tortured him._

* * *

"I just want my brother back Leo. I want the one who wasn't too big for his britches, the one would chase after me in the sewers only to spend hours sitting on some ledge listening to me, the one who would help Mikey pull some hilarious prank. They one who got you to join us in some random thing outside of training." Raph whispered. 

Looking over at Raph, he noticed a single tear had escaped down his brother's face.

Not saying a word Leo simply gave Raph's arm a squeeze.

* * *

After Don disappeared on him, Mikey doubled his efforts to make sure he knew where Don was at all times. 

Splinter decided he had gotten carried away when he wanted to set up a daily schedule of Don's day.

"My son, I understand that you are worried about your brother, but you are getting a little extreme in your worry."

"Hai Sensei" he whispered.

After checking where Don was, Mikey plopped down on the couch with the journal.

At first he just glanced over the words and pages until he came to one particular entry,

_Mikey hates me._

At that he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the couch. He reread that entry again.

'Don thinks I hate him?' he thought unable to think of why his brother would think that.

He went back and reread the entry.

_Entry 117_

_Mike and I got into it again. This time about the 'Nightwacher'. _

_Unlike all the other fights we had about this character, this one ended with Mikey screaming at me._

_Mikey hates me._

_He blames me for the family failing apart, for Sensei not coming out of his room more, Raph always being gone and most of all, _

_He blames me for Leo not coming back._

_His last words to me were,_

"_I hate you."_

_He hasn't spoken to me in a week._

Mike realized the page had become blurry because he was crying. He remembered that fight now. All the things he had said and shouted at Don.

Don had stood there and took it all. Mikey could remember his brother's shoulders sinking lower and lower as Mike yelled at him.

He remembered wanting Don to smack him as yelled at him. To stop him from blaming him for things that were out of his control. He wanted Don to tell him it would be alright. He wanted Don to pull him into a hug and not let go until Mike's damn broke.

Wiping the tears out of his eyes Mikey went back to the beginning and actually read each entry this time.

* * *

Splinter noticed changes in his sons over the next few days. It had been nearly a week since Donatello had gone missing, only to be found in the loft of the barn of all places. 

Raphael and Leonardo seemed to be spending more time talking. Splinter was glad to see his two oldest talking.

However it was his youngest that troubled him now.

For the past three days Mikey had been solemn and almost sad. Although he still made sure he knew where Donatello was, he had stopped talking to him.

When he found Michelangelo, he held a book in his hands that Splinter had seen Leonardo and Raphael reading in days earlier.

"Michelangelo? Is everything all right my son"

"Umm…yeah Sensei. I'm fine."

"Michelangelo, you are not fine. You have been solemn and sad. Even Donatello is starting to notice that you are not alright."

"Wahtya mean."

Splinter sat down next to his youngest, "Ever since you have stopped talking to your brother, he has been withdrawing into himself. He no longer offers those small signs that shows he is aware we are near him."

Michelangelo looked up at his father in surprise.

"He knows something is wrong, but in his current condition he is unable to do anything about it."

"He thinks I hate him Sensei." Mikey whispered, "I think you should read this."

Michelangelo handed him the book before he got up and left.

Splinter was surprised to find it was Donatello's journal he held in his hands.

* * *

Raph was getting frustrated. 

They had all thought Don was getting better. Especially after Mikey had said he spoke.

That had been nearly a week ago.

Now it seemed Don was getting worse. No longer when Raph talked to him would he lean against Raph's shoulder. He was no longer making eye contact with anyone. His eyes that had always shown with that intelligence that made Don Don. But now that was starting to fade.

Raph knew who was to blame.

This had all started when Mike began avoiding Don.

Things around the house only got tenser after April talked to them one day.

"So what you're sayin is that this whole thing Don is going through is not just because what happened with the Elite. He's like this because he can't face losing us?" Raph asked.

"I guess so" April answered.

Raph put his fist through the wall.

"So he's hiding. The coward" he snarled.

"Raph!"

"What Leo?! You know I'm right. He's nothing but a coward."

Raph marched over to the stairs,

"DO YOU HEAR ME DONATELLO! YOU ARE A COWARD!"

Raph suddenly found himself on the floor. Mikey was standing above him, his fist still extended from when he hit Raph.

"Don is not a coward. He is the bravest one of us all. He watched the three of us die once. He watched as the three of us left him over the last two years. And now he's killed Shredder's Elite Guards to save our lives. So don't you dare call him a coward."

Looking up at the rest of his family, Mikey spoke softly again,

"Leo left for the jungle. You left and became Nightwatcher. And I left him because I couldn't stop blaming him for everything that was going wrong with our family. And although he shut himself in his lab, he always came out and took care of everything. He never left. The three of us are the cowards. Not Don."

With that he climbed the stairs and disappeared from view.

Raph slowly pushed himself up, carefully touched the eye that was already starting to swell shut.

Before anyone could say anything, Mike came flying back down,

"He's gone."


	15. Journal Entries pt 3

Chapter 15 Journal Entries pt 3

_Entry 113_

_It is tough to always be the one that your brothers and parent expect to help. Especially now with Leo still MIA._

_Like always, I managed to work it out, barely have time for my own self. _

_Why is it I'm just expected to fix everything around the lair? Whether it be mechanical, electrical, or living._

_Lately I've been wondering if this is why Leo hasn't come back yet. The responsibility got to be too much. We go to be too much._

_Guess I'll just have to keep waiting. Hopefully one day I can get my answers._

_Entry 114_

_Leo was suppose to be home eight months ago as of today._

_Mikey has given up on him coming back. He still believes Leo will return one day, but he doesn't think it will be any time soon. _

_The only reason I know this is because he no longer checks the mail, as he did every day since Leo left. It has totally crushed him that Leo only wrote that one letter._

_Raph doesn't even care. He keeps saying good riddance. Even though I know he misses Leo even more than Mikey and me. Raph lost a lot more than Mike or me when Leo left._

_He won't ever admit it though._

_And me…_

_Well I haven't given up completely, just yet. I'm tired of trying to keep everyone's spirits up about Leo returning one day._

_Guess I'll just have to be keep being the strong one alone._

_That's the biggest reason I miss Leo right now. I could always lean on him when my load got to heavy._


	16. A View of Brothers

Chapter 16 

They searched for over an hour and they still had not found Donatello.

'Idiot' Raph berated himself over and over as he, Mikey and Casey searched they woods for a second time.

The first place they had looked was the barn since Mikey had found him in the loft the first time.

No luck.

After a thorough search of the house and they tried the woods again. As night began to settle, the group became more and more anxious.

* * *

As April was going back through the attic a flash of purple caught her eye.

It was Donnie mask wrapped around a box.

Not really sure what to make of it, she carried the box back downstairs with her.

Seeing Leo sitting at the kitchen, she decided to join him.

"Anything yet?"

She asked as she sat down.

Leo looked up at her with such sad eyes, shaking his head. She reached over and gave his arm a squeeze.

"Don't worry. We'll find him."

Signing, Leo placed his hand over hers.

Soon Casey, Mike and Raph joined them.

"Where's Splinter" Mike asked

"Not really sure." Leo answered.

"Oh"

The group sat in silence. Mikey noticed the box April had found.

"April, what's that?" he said pointing at the box.

"I don't really know. I found it in the attic where you and Don had slept a couple nights ago.

"Well that explains where his mask has been lately." Mikey said as April untied it and opened the box.

She frowned at the contents. She began pulling the items out. There were quite a few things:

One of Leo's masks was wrapped around a small branch.

Raph's was tied around a piece of metal and a scrap of leather.

Mikey's was bundled around a birthday noisemaker and a bit of wrapping paper.

A teacup with a piece fabric from Splinter's robe was wrapped around the handle.

There was a broken camera.

A screwdriver.

An empty pillbox.

A bottle of glue.

A roll of bandages.

A toy car.

Pieces from a computer.

And some scraps of paper.

But it was the very last item that drew everyone's attention.

April carefully pulled out a picture. The glass front was in pieces but it appeared someone had tried to repair it. You could see where the glue holding the glass together had leaked out slightly.

The picture inside showed a smiling Raph holding a laughing Mikey in a headlock. Leo was off to the side smiling at his two brothers. April and Casey were sitting behind them on the porch railing, watching and laughing. Master Splinter was standing on the stairs watching his sons; a small smile could be seen.

"I've seen this before." Leo mentioned passing the picture to Raph.

"Yeah, I have too. But where?" Raph said as he handed the picture to Mikey.

"Don would've made a pretty good photographer." April thought out loud.

"What makes you think Donnie took it, April" Casey asked.

"He's the only one not in the picture."

Mikey was frowning as he study the picture.

He suddenly jumped up, knocking over his chair in the process.

They all looked at him in surprise.

"Donnie kept this on his desk in the lab, remember." Mikey said as he righted his chair and sat down again.

"Yeah" Raph said nodding his head in agreement.

"But how did it get here?" April asked.

No one had answer for that.

Setting the picture a side they looked at the rest of things April had removed.

'Wonder where the masks came from?' Raph thought.

"But what does all this stuff mean?" Leo asked.

They were silent as they each pondered the meaning all of this.

"It's Don" Mikey whispered looking around at group, "It's Don"

"Whatya mean Mike?" Raph asked clearly confused.

"Well, look at all this stuff, it represents Don. Each piece represents something about him."

Leo began to catch on, "I get what you're saying Mike"

He reached over and picked up the roll of bandages "Medic"

Then he picked up the toy car "Mechanic"

The pillbox "Doctor"

The broken camera "Security"

The screwdriver "Mr. Fix-it"

The computer pieces "Electrician and Technician"

The glue bottle had him stumped though.

"Ok but what about our masks and the stuff they are wrapped around." Raph asked

"That easy," Mikey said,

"The branch represents the jungle you spent two years in" pointing at Leo.

"The metal and leather means your Nightwatcher outfit" pointed at Raph.

"The noisemaker and wrapping paper equals Cowabunga Carl" pointed a thumb at himself.

"And the teacup is Splinter" April finished.

"Each item in this box represents a part of Donnie." Mikey continued.

"Ok. So what exactly are we suppose to do with…' Raph asked, waving his hands at the items.

"I have no idea" Mikey answered. He had figured out the meaning of the items, somebody else could figure out the rest.

"Maybe you guys should read these." April said handing them the scraps of paper.

On one side there was the Japanese symbol for an element.

There was one for "Air", "Fire", and "Water".

The other side had a sentence that described one of them as the corresponding element.

"Ok…" Leo said.

"Your brother wrote those some time ago." They jumped slightly as Master Splinter entered the kitchen.

"It was part of an exercise I had him do. I wanted him to describe each of you as he saw you, but also how the four of you worked together to balance each other out. I was expecting him to bring me something more technical. Something about how the four of you are similar to various parts of a computer or parts of the body. You could imagine my surprise when he described you as elements."

"Michelangelo, your brother sees you as the carefree Air. You blow smiles and happiness into our lives.

"Raphael, your brother sees you as the passionate Fire. You keep the flame that is our family burning, whether it is with anger, laughter, love or pain.

"Leonardo, your brother sees you as the giving Water. You bring life to us as you protect us.

"What Element did Don describe himself as Sensei?" Mikey asked.

Splinter smiled sadly as he picked up the picture frame. Very carefully he turned it over and took the back off.

He hand the picture to Michelangelo.

Confused, he looked at the picture, before he turned it over.

There on the back was his answer.

_Like the carefree Air, he blows smiles and happiness into our hearts. _

_Like the passionate Fire, he keeps the flame of our family burning._

_Like the giving Water, he keeps us alive._

_Like the wise Earth, I keep them grounded._

_I keep peace between the Fire and Water, so neither is extinguished. _

_I keep Fire from getting to dangerous because of Air stirring it up. _

_I stop Air from blowing too much against Water creating a storm._

He handed it to Raph and Leo to read.

"Your brother sees himself as the force that helps you balance between one another."

They remained silent as they added yet another piece to the puzzle that was Don. April stood and began preparing tea.

"Now then, I believe it is time we spoke to your brother about returning to us."

The group looked at one another, before Raph spoke up,

"Umm…how exactly are we suppose to do that Sensei? We still don't know where he is."

Splinter chuckled as he sat down at the table "Raphael do you believe I would be this calm if I did not know where your brother was."

"So you know where Donnie is?" Mikey asked

"Of course. We had a nice long chat."

"Sensei, do you think maybe you could tell us where he is?" Leo asked.

"Certainly my son" Splinter said, "Thank-you Ms. O'Neil."

He took a sip of the tea April had just placed in front of him.

"He's on the roof."

* * *

_Just wanted to mention Mickis' 'EARTH, WIND, FIRE, and WATER". That was the inspiration for this chapter._


	17. Little Brother

Chapter 17 

"HE"S WHERE?!?" Leo, Raph and Mikey all yelled, before clamoring to get out of the room.

Splinter chuckled.

"Master Splinter what is so funny?" April asked.

"Donatello has always had this uncanny ability to get into the most unusual places, even as a young turtle. Although back then it was usually his brothers' fault and he could never really explain how he got into those places."

* * *

"Ok. How in the hell do we get him back in here?" Raph asked Leo and Mike, who were both trying to figure out how Don even got up there. 

"What I want to know is how he got out there?" Mike said.

"I'm not all that surprised he's the one that got out there. I mean, don't you guys remember some of the places he got into when we were younger."

"I don't really want to go back down memory lane right now Leo. I want to get Don back in here before something happens."

"Hmm" Leo stuck his head out the window" well, maybe you guys could…"

* * *

In the end it was April that remembered that there was a ladder tall enough to reach the roof. 

"I am so gonna ask him how he managed that" Leo heard Mikey mumble as he herded Don back inside.

Once everyone was back inside and dinner eaten, they settled in the living at Splinter's orders.

"Now I believe I mentioned that it was time we spoke to your brother about his returning to us."

Leo, Raph, and Mikey all looked at one another questionably.

"Umm, Sensei how are we going to do that?" Mikey asked.

"Some what like how you, Raphael, and Donatello brought Leo back after his encounter with the Shredder. Now then my sons please sit around Donatello and join hands."

They all gathered around the sleeping Donatello. Mikey and Raph sat on either side and Leo sat above Don's head.

"Now then my sons, you must concentrate on Donatello. Open your minds and reach out to your brother."

* * *

"_Leo? Raph?"_

"_Mikey? Is that you?"_

"_Raph? Where are you?"_

"_Just stay there, I'll come to you."_

_Mikey stopped and waited for Raph._

"_Mikey will ya say something. It's kinda hard to follow your voice if you ain't talking!"_

"_Sorry. Ummm… what exactly do you want me to talk about. Cause I mean there are just do many interesting things I could talk about. I know I could retell how I completely dominated the Battle nexus Tournament and how I became the BATTLE NEXmmph…"_

_Raph's hand slapped over Mikey's mouth, "Mikey I thought we agreed you are never again allowed to speak about the that like that remember."_

_Mikey nodded, he was tempted to lick his brother's hand to teach him a lesson about watching where he put his hand._

"_We better find Leo."_

"_No need"_

_Raph and Mikey both jumped at the voice behind them,_

"_Jeeze Leo. What ya tryin to give me a heart attack?" Mikey whined._

_Leo just shrugged._

"_So where do you think we are?" Raph asked._

_Leo glanced around at their strange surroundings. It almost seemed like they were standing in a dense forest. Somewhat like the forest that surrounded the farmhouse._

"_Well where ever we are… it's definitely weird."_

"_Come on guys, we gotta find Don."_

_Each placed a hand on the shell in front of him, so as to not become separated as they pressed their way forward._

_Leo stopped suddenly as though he heard something._

"_Wha'…"_

_Leo quickly put his hand over his brother's mouth._

"_Listen"_

_Mike and Raph paused._

"_Leo I…" Mike started but then he heard it._

_It almost sounded like … crying?_

_They began to move swiftly through the forest. They stopped every so often, listening, before continuing on._

_Suddenly they burst through the tree line into the sunlight. They all threw up their hands against the sudden light._

_Blinking rapidly to chase away spots dancing in front of their eyes. _

_Once their eyes had adjusted, they looked around in surprise._

_It was absolutely beautiful. _

_They stood in a large clearing. A crystal clear pool with a small waterfall was off to on said. Right next to it was a grouping of boulders and rocks. They felt a warm breeze blow gently through and it was so quiet._

_Then they heard the sound again._

_Mikey eased away from his brothers, signaling them to stay there. The crying seemed to be coming from…_

_There._

_Right behind the grouping of boulders, Mikey found Don. Well, at least a version of Donnie._

_The olive-green turtle in front of Mikey looked to be no older than six or seven._

"_Hey little dude. What's wrong?"_

_The smaller turtle looked up, startled, before answering,_

"_M-My bru'dders. I… I c-can't f-f-fin-d m-my bru'd…bru'dders." He sobbed._

"_Your brothers?"_

_The smaller turtle nodded, "Th-they left me."_

"_That's a bummer little dude. Why'd they leave you?"_

"_I don't know." The smaller turtle said as he wiped tears away with the back of his hand._

"_Tell, ya what little dude. How about I help you find them, ok?"_

_The smaller turtle nodded as Mikey bent down and wiped the remaining tears from the olive-green face. Then he stood and offered his hand. The smaller turtle took it without hesitation._

"_The name is Mike by the way, What's yours?"_

"_Donnie" sniff "My little brother is Mikey."_

"_Well ain't that something."_

_But when Leo and Raph came ion to view, the smaller turtle stopped and hid behind Mikey's legs._

_Chuckling, Mikey turned around and crouched in front of the one hiding behind him._

"_Hey, it's ok. Those are my bros. They're gonna help you too, ok?"_

_The olive-green turtle nodded._

_Continuing on their way, they stopped just in front of Leo and Raph._

_Unsure what was going on, they both cast questioning looks at Mikey._

"_Guys this is Donnie. We're gonna help him find his brothers."_

_Crouching down in front of the smaller turtle, Leo spoke "Hi Donnie. My name is Leo and that guy right there is Raph."_

_Little Donnie's eyes got wide when he heard their names, "That's wha' my two udder brothers names are. How come you have the same name as them?"_

_Leo heard Mikey chuckle, "Umm…well…" trying to think of a way to explain this, Leo was drawing a blank._

_Raph interrupted, "So, Mikey says we're gonna help you find your brothers. How long has it been since you seen 'em?"_

"_I don' know."_

"_Do you know why they left?"_

"_Nuh uh" the small turtle said sadly, "I just 'member that one night Leo wasn't there to chase away the monsters," tears were starting up again, "and the next morning all Raphie did was yell at me and Mikey didn't want to play with me"_

_The tears were racing down little Donnie's checks by now and Mikey, who couldn't stand to see anyone cry, quickly gathered the young turtle in his arms and hugged him tight._

_Soon little arms found their way around his neck and hugged him back._

_The three older turtles all looked at one over the sobbing child's head._

_As Mikey continued to comfort the small turtle, Raph and Leo talked quietly to themselves._

"_Ok, so what the hell is this Leo?"_

"_I really don't know Raph."_

"_Well, we better figure somethin out here because I for one am confused as hell."_

_Raph stomped off a short ways and Leo turned back Mikey and little Donnie._

_The smaller turtle had finally stopped crying and was currently hiccupping._

"_You ok, Donnie?" Leo asked as he rubbed the back of the smaller turtles head._

_Little Donnie nodded his head, "I'm 'orry"_

"_What are you sorry for little dude?" Mikey asked._

"_Raphie says only babies cry."_

"_Hey now. Crying because you miss your brothers or because you're upset does not make you a baby. It's ok to cry, little dude."_

"_Weally?"_

"_Yeah, ya know what? I cry sometimes."_

"_You do?"_

"_Yep, in fact, when my other brother got hurt because of me, I cried."_

_Little Donnie pulled his head away from Mike's shoulder to look at Leo and then Raph._

"_They got hurt?" clearly confused because neither of the other two turtles looked hurt to._

"_No, I have another brother. That's what we're doing here. We are looking for him much like how you are looking for your brothers."_

_Little Donnie looked up at Mikey when he said that, "Other brother?"_

"_Yeah. We have another brother." Mikey replied sadly._

_Little Donnie seemed to think for a moment._

"_Purple like me?" he asked._

"_Yes" Leo answered._

_Little Donnie seemed excited at that, "I know him."_

_He scrambles out of Mike's arms and took off across the clearing. Turning he saw none of the larger turtles had followed. He quickly ran over and grabbed the one closest to him, which happened to be Raph, and began pulling him after him._

_Raph tossed a look over his shoulder at Leo and Mike as the little turtle drug him behind._

_Mike and Leo shared a glance before taking off after the two._

_

* * *

The further across the clearing they traveled, the more the landscape changed._

_The trees began to thin and the soft green grass gave way to a dry barren landscape._

_Noticing the small olive-green turtle wincing as he walked, Raph swung the youngster up on his back._

_The surprise at Raph's actions was evident on Leo and Mike's face, but little Donnie just smiled._

_Ignoring his brothers, he talked to the young turtle on his back,_

"_So, what are your brothers like?"_

"_Well, Mikey is really silly a lot of the time. He's always makin us laugh, 'cept some times he makes Raphie really mad and then they fight."_

"_And Leo is really serious a lot of the time. He doesn't always have time to play as much as he use to, but when he does, we always have way more fun."_

"_What about your other brother, Raphie?"_

"_Raphie is Raphie"_

"_Whatya mean?"_

"_Well, he likes to play really rough and he gets in lots of fights with Leo and plays jokes with Mikey."_

"_What do you do with him?"_

"_Not really a lot. The only time Raphie talks to me is if he finds a car magazine or if he needs his motorcycle repaired."_

"_I'm sure there is more you do together, don't you?"_

"_No. Raphie doesn't really like me. He says I'm coward because I don't like to fight."_

_Raph stopped at the sad response he got. He gently pulled the smaller turtle around so that he was sitting on Raph's arm,_

"_Now you listen to me. You are not a coward for not wanting to fight. A very smart person once told me "It takes more courage to raise your voice than to raise your fist."_

"_Who told you that?" Brown, inquisitive eyes raised to met Raph's_

"_My brother"_

"_Oh. Do you think Raphie…"_

"_Do I think Raphie…?"_

"_Do you think one day Raphie will like me more?"_

"_I think one day Raphie will see you as the person he can trust with anything. One day you will become his confidant. Some one he can talk to about anything and everything. I think one day you and Raphie will become very good friends."_

_Little Donnie seemed to think this over. Raph tried very hard not to laugh, but Little Donnie in 'thoughtful mode', he had to let out a small chuckle._

_Little Donnie smiled at hearing the older turtle laugh,_

"_What do you and your brothers do?"_

"_Well, me and Mike are best buds. We watch movies, play games, and just hang out a lot. And me and Leo well, that's a bit more complicated. We train together a lot, we fight a lot, too, but some times we just talk."_

"_What about your other brother?"_

"_Well, we aren't exactly close, but I can talk to him about anything. He's always the one who would come after me when Leo and I fight. He's really smart and has built just about every single vehicle we own and that's what we do when we hang out. We work on the vehicles."_

"_Cool."_

"_Yeah. Unfortunately, he's kinda mad at me right now."_

"_Why?"_

"_Well, my brother Leo went away on a training mission and our father put my brother in charge, not me, even though I'm older. And I was a really pain in the a- tail about it."_

"_Did you appoligize? Cause my dad always says you have to say you're sorry when you hurt someone. It doesn't matter if it's un…un…uninten…"_

"_Unintentional"_

"_Yeah. Unintent-tional or not."_

"_That's good advice. Thanks. So you think he'll forgive me if I say I'm sorry?"_

"_Uh huh."_

_Looking over Raph's shoulder he noticed the two other turtles were walking slightly slower. Raph noticed the little turtle frowning,_

"_Your brothers look sad. How come they're sad?"_

_Turning to look at his two brothers, he simply said, "They miss our brother."_

"_Oh. Is there anything we can do to make them not sad?"_

_Thinking for a minute, "No, there is nothing I can do but maybe there is you can do."_

"_Really?" the little turtle looked at him questionable._

"_Yep. I bet you are the one your brothers go to when they're upset right?" the smaller turtle nodded, "Well, can you do for my brothers what you would do for your brothers?"_

_The little head went up and down so fast, Raph couldn't help but laugh._

_He set the little turtle down and watched as he ran over to Mike._


	18. Always There

**Chapter 18**

_Mike watched as his normally hot headed brother pulled little Donnie onto his back and talked, only to stop at one point and pull the smaller turtle to sit on his arm in front. _

_The two seemed to be having a very intense conversation._

_At one point Raph was chuckling at something the smaller turtle had said or did. He noticed the two looking at him at one and turned to look at Leo. He heard Raph let a out a loud laugh,_

_A few moments later he felt a tug on his hand._

_Seeing little Donnie standing next him beckoning him to come closer._

_He was surprised to find those little arms wrapped around his neck in a tight hug. He quickly returned the gesture._

"_What was that for?" he asked once they separated._

"_You looked like you needed it and it always cheered my Mikey up."_

_Mike gave a small smile._

"_Can I have a piggy-back ride?" the little turtle asked._

"_Sure thing little dude," Mike crouched down, "hop on."_

_Once he was up on his back, Mike jogged a bit to catch up with his brothers, little Donnie shrieked and giggled as Mike ran._

_That laughter was infectious and soon both he and Mikey was laughing._

_

* * *

Hearing the two younger turtles laughing, Raph couldn't help but let out a small chuckle._

_Leo raised an eye ridge at Raph in surprise._

"_What?" Raph asked upon seeing the look Leo was giving him._

"_Nothing, it's just I haven't heard you laugh like that in a long time."_

_Raph just shrugged._

_Had he been paying attention, Raph would've noticed the hard ground was becoming soft green grass._

_

* * *

Once the laughter subsided, Mikey asked,_

"_So what were you and Raph talking about?"_

"_Brothers"_

"_Your brothers or his?"_

"_Both. I told him 'bout my brothers and then he told me 'bout you."_

"_So what did he say about me?"_

"_That you are best buddies and hang out lots."_

"_Oh. Well, what did he say 'bout Leo?"_

"_That they train and fights lots and some times talk."_

_Mikey was curious to ask about Don, but had a feeling that little Donnie wouldn't tell him. He figured little Donnie was a confidant and would keep Raph's secrets much like Don always had._

"_Raph told me what he does with you guys. So what do you do with them?"_

_Mike paused for a moment, "Well, like Raph said we're best buds and we hang out a lot. Me and Leo don't really do much together. What with being total opposites, but we some times watch movies together and once in awhile I get him to help with a prank on Raph."_

"_What about your other brother?"_

"_Well, I guess you could say we are best buds, but not in the way me and Raph are best buds. He's the only one that will join me on my comic books runs and we can't agree on anything, but he's always the one that is there for me."_

_The smaller turtle nodded._

_Silence stretched between the two. Mike started to feel a little awkward. He was never one to stay quiet for any stretch of time._

"_So what did you tell him about your brothers?"_

"_I told him how Mikey makes ever body laugh and some times makes Raphie mad. And Leo is really serious and we have more fun when he plays with us."_

"_And Raphie?"_

"_I said Raphie doesn't really like me, but than Raph said that one day Raphie and me would be friends and he would be able to talk to me 'bout anything."_

_Mikey thought for a moment._

"_So what do you and Mikey do together."_

"_We play games. I read him stories. Some times I color with him. We spend time hiding under my bed some times when Leo and Raph's fights get really bad. It's my job to protect Mikey."_

"_Don't you all look after him?"_

"_Yeah. Leo and Raph are the oldest and in charge but I always watch out for Mikey cause he's the only little brother I have. He's the one that makes me a big brother."_

_Mikey cast a glance over his shoulder at the little turtle. He was looking at Mike's shell, tracing an invisible pattern. _

"_What's on your mind little dude?"_

"_Right now I'm working on fixing a this game console I found on my trip with my dad to the junkyard."_

"_Really. That will be cool. I bet your brothers will really like it."_

"_I hope so cause I don't want Mikey to hate me anymore."_

_Mike actually stumbled, but was able to catch himself._

"_Wha…What makes you think Mikey hates you?" he asked after swallowing hard._

"_He doesn't play with me anymore. And he spends all his time with Raph now. He says it's my fault that Leo isn't there to chase away the monsters."_

"_I don't think that means he hates you."_

"_Then how come he's acting like he does?"_

"_Well, maybe he's just scared because Leo isn't there."_

_The little turtle thought this over. An idea occurring to him,_

"_You think Mikey is scared that maybe I'll leave too and he's trying do something so it won hurt as much?_

_The question was asked with sadness and Mike could see the fear the idea made in little Donnie's eyes_

"_That could be, but I don't think he's trying to push you away. I think he's trying to find the safety your Leo gave him. With Raph being the oldest right, and you said Raph was the one that protected you and Mikey," A little head nodded in agreement," he's just making sure that Raph isn't going anywhere."_

_The little turtle thought about this._

"_Your brother doesn't hate, ok? Not like mine thinks I hate him."_

"_Why does your brother think you hate him?"_

"_Well see. Leo went on this training mission thing. He was only suppose to be gone a year, but when a year had come and gone, he didn't come home. We didn't know if he was ok or anything because he had only sent us one letter at the beginning of his trip." He felt a small arms wrap around his neck and gave a gentle squeeze, he took a breath, "So the year came and went, things started getting really bad at home. Raph was never home, our father never came out of his room, other than for training and his soaps, and my other brother was constantly working on something. No one really had time for me and it hurt. So I started blaming everything on my brother."_

"_I told him it was his fault Leo hadn't come home and that we never heard from him. I said it was his fault Raph would leave home and stay away for days at a time. I told him it was his fault Splinter was closing himself off from us. One time we got in this huge fight, about two weeks before Leo came home. I yelled at him, saying really hurtful things, I finally blamed him out loud for everything. He just stood there, letting me do it. Finally, I yell 'I hate you' before I ran to my room. I felt so guilty afterwards I didn't speak to him for a week, which only made everything worse."_

_When he got no response a few moments after he finished, he looked over his shoulder. Little Donnie was watching intently, making sure Mike had said everything he wanted to._

"_My dad once said that when we are scared because some one has left us or hurt us, we lash out at someone we know will always be there for us no matter what. Maybe you acted that way because you knew in your heart that your brother would always be there for you no matter what you did or said."_

_Mikey thought over what little Donnie had just said. Did he really treat Don like that because he was the one constant in his life that never wavered or really left him over these last two years?_

_He was so lost in thought he didn't notice little Donnie squirming to get down._

_When he did finally notice he lifted the smaller turtle off his back and placed him on the ground. _

_When little Donnie motioned him to crouch down next him, he did so._

_The smaller turtle placed his hands on the sides of Mike's face, it was such a Don gesture it brought tears to Mike's eyes, and gazed at the larger turtle with those brown eyes that seemed as though they held the secrets of the universe._

'_They do in a way' Mike thought to himself before little Donnie spoke,_

"_If your brother does think you hate him, you need to make him see you don't."_

_Swallowing the lump in his throat, Mike asked in a soft voice "How?"_

_A soft smile was seen on the smaller turtle's face as he spoke, "What is the one thing that cheers your brother up the most? No matter the problem."_

_Mike looked confused at this._

"_Do what you do best."_

_Mike continued to look into the smaller turtles eyes, searching for the answers he sought._

'_What is the one thing that cheers Don up, no matter what the problem?'_

'_Do what I do best'_

_The smaller turtle smiled as he saw the answers come to the larger turtle._

"_Thank-you" Mike whispered softly and wrapped the smaller turtle in a big hug._

_Little Donnie returned the gesture. Little hands wipped those few stray tears away,_

"_Raph asked me to cheer you up. Now I gotta go make Leo better."_

_With that the little turtle ran to catch up with the two other turtles that were waiting for them._


	19. Advice Given

Chapter 19 

_Leo stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to Raph, an eye ridge raised in question._

_Raph merely nodded behind them._

_Leo turned and saw Mike crouched down talking to little Donnie, who had his hands on either sides of Mike's face._

_Leo's heart felt even heavier as he watched the two. Finally it became too much. He turned away and began walking once again._

_He didn't see Raph look at him questionably nor did he see the small smile that crept across that face when a small hand slipped into Leo's hand._

_Leo looked down in confusion. He saw his large green hand encompass a much smaller olive-green hand._

_The small turtle that hand was attached to simply smiled at the larger turtle as they continued walking._

_Leo unconsciously matched his pace to that of the smaller turtle as they walked. _

_

* * *

Raph watched as Leo and little Donnie continued walking as he waited for Mike to catch up._

_He frowned when he say Mike wipe his eyes, but smiled when he saw Mike's eyes._

_There was laughter and that missing gleam once again in those eyes._

"_Gives good advice and makes things better at any age don't he?"_

_Mike merely nodded as the two began walking once again._

_Neither noticed as they walked the scenery was changing again. Flowers began blooming and an occasional tree could be seen. _

_

* * *

The small and large turtle walked in silence. Leo would glance out the corner of his eye and catch little Donnie watching him. As though he was waiting for something._

_Sighing, Leo looked down at the smaller turtle._

"_Wanna talk about it?" little Donnie asked._

_How long had it been since he heard those words?_

'Hey Leo you ok? You want to talk about it?'

'I'm here if you ever need to talk about it or whatever it is that is bothering you.'

_Leo had to look away as the tears gathered in his eyes._

_He felt the smaller hand squeeze his,_

"_I didn't mean to make you sad."_

_Leo had to smile. 'No matter the age' he thought to himself._

_Surprising the smaller turtle, Leo scooped him up and carried him on his hip as he continued to walk._

"_You didn't make me sad. You just reminded me of something my brother always did…does when he picks up that I'm upset or something is bothering me."_

_Little Donnie waited. _

_Leo smiled as he spoke again, "my brother was always the one I turned to when my burden became to heavy for me to carry alone. No matter how much he was already taking on, he always took and shoulder my burden with me." _

_The smaller turtle nodded in understanding._

"_So how come you're sad?"_

_Leo thought about the question for a moment. Trying to pin point an exact reason for his sadness._

"_Well, I guess you could say it's because of my brother. See I went away on this training mission. I was only suppose to be gone a year, but I was gone for two. And things at home were falling apart."_

"_So when I came back things got more crazy, we had to fight these monsters and these guys called the Stone Generals and so after all that me and Raph came to an understanding and Mikey has forgiven me but my other brother…"_

"_We've never really fought before. Actually I can't really ever remember being in a fight with him up until now."_

_That made Leo pause, 'Don and I haven't ever really fought. Yeah we've disagreed about stuff and I know we've yelled at each other. Come to think of it, he never fights with Mike or Raph unless they've broken something. Even then he does little more than yell. (Well Don's version of yelling any ways). Of course there are those few occasions, but still.'_

_Leo suddenly stopped as a realization hit him._

'_Is that it? Is that really what my real problem has been? The fact that Don is actually angry with me and hasn't forgiven me.'_

"_You should try listening some time."_

"_Huh?" Leo pulled up at the little turtle's voice, "what was that?"_

"_You should try listening some time."_

"_You mean listen to my brother? I listen to him."_

"_I think you hear what he is saying, but you need to __**listen**__ to what he is and isn't saying."_

_Leo nodded as he thought. He suddenly realized that he wasn't as tense as before. Then he realized why._

_It was little Donnie._

_The quiet, calming presence of Donatello. It hadn't been there during these recent events, but it was all Leo wanted to feel at the moment._

_That was the last piece that was missing from making their family what it should be. After all that had happened the last 2 years and the recent month, Leo knew it was Don that would make everything whole once more._

_Suddenly the weight in Leo's arms disappeared. He twisted around, thinking maybe the smaller turtle had slipped down._

"_Donnie? Donnie!"_

_Then the world went black._

* * *

_I know really short. Finals are a major pain right now. I'll probably come back and do some major editing later. I was just glad to get this chapter out. Leo is not really my strong point._

_R&R_


	20. Memories and Other Gifts

Leo inched forward, spinning around when a hand clasped his shoulder.

"Geez, chill Leo. It's just us."

Leo let out a sigh seeing Raph and Mikey standing behind him.

"So where are we now?" Raph asked.

As they glanced around their realized they were in the old sewer den. The one that had been destroyed by the Mousers.

Hearing voices they peeked around the edge of a door. Two small turtles sat on a bed. It was 'Donnie' and 'Mikey',

"How old do you think they are?" Raph whispered to Leo. Before he could answer,

"Eight" Mikey said as he watched the scene into front of them.

"Let me see your hands Mikey."

Slowly the hands were presented and 'Donnie' carefully examined each one. Looking up at 'Mikey' when he let out a small whimper as 'Donnie' touched a particularly tender area.

They weren't too bad; the palms were scrapped up from the fall but otherwise they were fine.

"Does anything else hurt?"

"(sniff) my wrist (sniff)" 'Mikey' whispered.

Carefully, 'Donnie' examined it. It seemed slightly swollen and 'Mikey' whimpered when he bent it ever so slightly.

"You midda sprained it." Thinking for a moment "I'll be right back, 'kay?"

He gave 'Mikey' a smile and hug before he scooted off the bed and was out the door.

They watched as he crossed to bathroom for the first aid kit. Then into the kitchen, where he took a rag and some ice and quickly ran back to his room.

Setting the kit next to 'Mikey', he pulled out gauze, tape, and antibiotic salve; he also pulled out the bottle of hydrogen peroxide and a couple cotton balls. Then he took the rag wrapped it around the ice. He positioned the rag so it went all the way around 'Mikey's' wrist.

Taking a bandage roll, he secured the rag/ice for the time being.

'Mikey's' eyes got wide at the sight of the bottle and he watched 'Donnie' carefully take one of his hands and dabbed it with the peroxide.

'Donnie' looked up at 'Mikey' when he heard the little whimpers. He gently blew cooling breaths onto the injury. He repeated the process on the other hand.

Then he took and applied some of the salve to two gauze pads and placed one over each of 'Mikey's' palms. Then secured them with tape.

"Is that ok? Too tight? Too loose?" he asked.

'Mikey' shook his head, "no s'good."

Then he removed the bandage holding the ice in place. Setting the rag and ice aside, he picked up one of the bandage rolls Splinter used when he had sprained his ankle, and carefully wrapped it around 'Mikey's' wrist, just tight enough so 'Mikey's' couldn't really move it.

"That ok?"

'Mikey' nodded through a yawned.

'Donnie' quickly cleaned up the scraps and garbage, putting them in the nearby trashcan, and repacked the first aid kit. Then he went back to the bed.

Crawling up next to 'Mikey', he double-checked his work as 'Mikey' leaned against him, half asleep.

Gently 'Donnie' convinced him to lie down on the bed. He slowly began rubbing circles on his little brother's shell as he settled better, using 'Don's' leg as a pillow.

Using his free hand, he leaned over and pulled the blanket up over his little brother, smoothing it out and tucking the edge around sea green shoulders.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before 'Donnie' knew 'Mikey' was asleep. Snagging a pillow he eased it beneath the slumbering head as he slid his leg free and moved carefully off the bed.

Knowing the younger's fear of the dark, he turned on the small desk lamp he had.

He gave 'Mikey's' head a quick rub before quietly leaving the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

The three older turtles watched as 'Donnie' crossed to 'Splinter's' room. Mikey wiped the few tears that had escaped while he remembered this particular moment. He glanced down at his hands, remembering that day. Leo and Raph had been picking on him when Raph pushed him and he tripped over Leo. Donnie came over and yelled at their two older brothers before taking Mikey into his and Leo's room.

He later learned, after Leo and Raph had apologized, that at the evening practice he had missed, Don had wiped the floor with both of them and told them that if they ever hurt his little brother again they'd be sorry.

Suddenly the room swirled together,

"I think I'm gonna lose my lunch" Mikey complained as wrapped his arms around his middle and squeezed his eyes closed. Then as suddenly as everything had started it all stopped. This time they found themselves standing in the kitchen. The young turtles sitting at the table were larger, they were older here, and currently working on some school work.

"When you have completed your problems, please bring them to my room."

'Splinter' left his young sons to finish the math assignment.

The three older turtles crept closer. Leo noticed 'Donnie' finished but sat at the table for a good five minutes before he finally got up. They could tell he felt the glare sent at his back by 'Raphie' and saw his small shoulders slump when 'Raphie' whispered "Smarty pants teacher's pet". They followed him down the hall to 'Splinter's' room.

'Donatello' quietly entered the room and presented his paper,

"Here Sensei."

Glancing over the paper, 'Splinter' checked the answers. With a slight nod he dismissed his son. But 'Donatello' did not leave right away as he usually did.

"Is there something troubling you Donatello?"

"No Sensei, it's just…"

"Yes Donatello."

"Umm… do you think you could find some harder things for me to do? I mean, Raphie & Mikey tease me cause I always finish before them but if I had harder stuff to do maybe it would take me longer."

'Donatello' was looking at the floor as he spoke. 'Splinter' gentle raised his son's face to look him in the eye,

"Donatello."

"Am I too smart?"

"No my son. Your mind is a wonderful thing."

"But Raphie says that…"

"Donatello. Someday your brothers will see your mind for the true gift it is."

Thinking about this for a moment before nodding,

"Maybe…" a thought occurred to him, "maybe if I help Raphie with his work, he won't tease me as much. Do think that might help Sensei?"

"It may, yes. But perhaps you should offer to help all of your brothers."

"Yeah, I wouldn't want Leo and Mikey to be mad at me. Thanks Sensei."

With a quick bow he dashed to the door, only to pause,

"Sensei, do you think you could still maybe find some harder stuff for me to do anyways?"

"I'll see what I can find Donatello."

With a smile he quietly shut the door behind him.

'Leo', 'Raph', and 'Mikey' were still working as he came back into the kitchen,

"Do you guys want any help?"

"Why? So you can rub in how smart you are and how fast you get done with everythin'." 'Raph' grumbled, 'Donnie' flinched.

"No, I just thought maybe you guys would like some help."

"You can help me Donnie." 'Mikey' yelled from his spot, pushing the paper towards him, eager to be rid of the hated work.

"I wont do the work for you Mikey," He said as he pushed his chair between 'Leo' and 'Mikey', "but I can show you some tricks to help you get done faster."

He grabbed a spare sheet of paper and a pencil from the middle of the table,

"Ok, what problem are you on?"

As he worked with 'Mikey' he could see 'Leo' following along as he went through steps or showed 'Mikey' a trick. He had purposely put his chair between the two because 'Leo' wouldn't ask for help unless 'Mikey' and 'Raphie' weren't around, but 'Leo' would discreetly try to follow along.

Smiling, he glanced over at 'Raphie', who was doing his best to ignore what was going on.

"Hmm… let's try this Mikey. We're gonna turn this side by side problem into a stacked problem."

"Why?"

"Well I think you might be able to figure stacked problems out faster. Now you see how it says 12x11, all we do is drop the second number underneath the first number and move the multiplication sign between the two."

'Mikey' followed along on his own sheet, copying how 'Donnie' had written the problem," Now we multiply the bottom number from the top number that is furthest away from the sign first. Like this." He continued to walk 'Mikey' through the process, keeping an eye on 'Leo's' work as he did.

"Good job Mikey. You're all done."

'Mikey's' grin threatened to split his face. Not only was he done, but… he was done before both 'Leo' and 'Raph'.

He quickly scampered out of the kitchen yelling, "Splinter I'm done!"

'Donnie' let out a small laugh as he watched his little brother and then turned to his remaining brothers, "Are you guys sure you don't want any help."

"No thanks Donnie, I'm all done." 'Leo' said as he hopped down off his chair, but not before giving 'Donnie's' hand a quick squeeze of thanks for "not helping him".

"Raphie you sure you don't want any help?"

'Raph' was getting frustrated. Not only was he last to finish, yet again, but he really wanted 'Donnie's' help.

"I can show you some stuff that I didn't show Leo and Mikey."

'Raph' looked up at the mention of 'Leo' being helped, "you didn' help Leo."

"Yeah I did. Didn't you notice how he followed along as I explained the steps to Mikey or how he almost fell out of his chair trying to see what I was doing?" 'Donnie' said with a grin.

'Raph' seemed to think that over, "Well, I suppose I could use a little help since Leo did too."

'Donnie' knew better than to reply. He simply moved his chair over to next to 'Raph', "Ok. Let me see where you are."

Raph watched his younger self and Don work through the rest of his problems. Ever since that day, Don had always helped with their school work. He gave Raph different things to do to complete his work faster than he did Mikey and Leo. He even helped Raph before beginning his own work. Splinter had caught them one day and Don explained that he got his work done fast enough that he could help his brothers before finishing his own.

Raph also remembered that day as the one where he began to see Don in a new light. One that lead to Don becoming Raph's confidante when the anger took control.

The room began shifting again. This time they found themselves just outside the dojo.

"Hey Leo can you come to the living room for a moment. I have something I want to show everybody."

'Leo' looked over to the doorway of the dojo to see 'Don' standing there,

"Yeah, I'll be there in 10 minutes."

'Don' nodded his head, a quick flash of sadness in his eyes as he turned a way. Unlike the younger blue-clad turtle, Leo didn't miss that flash of sadness.

"Umm... Leo said he'll be here in 10 minutes, so if you guys want to do something else 'til then it's fine."

'Raph' grumbled as he turned the TV back on after snatching it back from 'Mikey' who gave a cry at losing the treasured item.

Much like he said, 'Leo' wandered into the living to join his brothers on the couch.

"Now Donatello. What is it you wish to show us?" 'Splinter' asked.

'Don' picked up a box he had previously set on the floor and placed it on the coffee table,

"Ok. Well this is something I've been working on for awhile now and they still need some testing but I figured you guys could help me out with that…"

"Get on with Brainiac" 'Raph' growled; he had better things to do than listen to 'Donnie' go on about some stupid invention.

'Splinter' didn't miss the sadness that entered his second youngest's eyes before he looked down into the box and pulled something out. The older turtles didn't miss it either.

He tossed one to each of his brothers and handed one to his father, "I call them Shell cells; they're kind of a cross between a cell phone and walkie talkie."

His brothers' eyes lit up at the devices in their hands,

"Oh wow" "Cool" "Sweet. Does this thing have games?" The older turtles smiled at the memory.

"Donatello perhaps you could explain how these devices work."

He nodded before opening his own Shell Cell, "To open just slide the clasp on the side. There is a button designated for each of us. It is also set up with an answering system. You can record your own message to play if some calls you and you can't (or don't want to) answer. To record your message just press and hold the green key at the button, when you're done release it. To listen to any messages press the green button twice. To delete messages, press the white button while the message is playing. And to answer just push the green button. Also if you want to talk to more than one person, just hold the white button and press the respective button for who ever else you want to talk too."

"These are incredible inventions my son. How did you come up with the idea?"

"Well, I just thought they would be a good idea just in case one of us got hurt or something."

'Splinter' nodded knowing full well that there was more but Donatello did not wish to say in front of his brothers.

"Would it be alright if we go into the sewers to test them out Sensei? I don't really know how far they will reach."

"Of course, but please promise to be careful."

'Raph and Mikey' quickly disappeared into the tunnels. 'Leo and Don' waited a moment before following.

The room shifted slightly as the memory picked up when the four youngsters returned a few hours later.

Don caught 'Leo's' eye as they walked back into the lair, "Leo could you come here for a sec, I want to check something on your phone."

"What's up Donnie?" Leo asked as he walked into Don's room.

"Oh, nothing actually. I just wanted to show you this one other feature."

Pulling up a program on his computer, he pointed, "See each phone also comes with a tracking device. So we can always know everybody is. I figure this way you and Sensei won't worry as much about Raph when he 'goes' off in to the sewers."

'Leo' looked at his little brother in shock, wondering how 'Don' had picked up on his and 'Splinter's' worry over 'Raph's' tantrums that resulted in his taking off into the sewers.

"There is something else too. I've been working on a perimeter alarm to warn us about city workers or any other humans in the sewers. And with it maybe you can actually relax at night, rather than play watchman."

'Leo' could do little more than stare at 'Don' in amazement

Remembering that day, Leo recalled the conversation between himself and Splinter later about Donatello's newest inventions. His master's words had forever stuck with him,

"I have spoken to Donatello and he told me that he wanted to prove that although he may not be the fastest, strongest, or best fighter, he can protect you, his brothers and me in his own way."

Leo had forgotten about that conversation until now. Watching as a young Donatello explained how the trackers worked and about the perimeter alarms he had created. He also remembered the conversation between Raphael and himself that lead to Don trying to prove that he could protect his family.

Once again the room started spinning as the memory faded into another.

The soft sound of typing could be heard. Leo inched forward,

"So where are we now?" Raph asked.

"Well it's obviously the lair." Mikey said. Leo and Raph both shot Mikey 'Duh' looks.

Suddenly the sounds of laughter and someone splashing through the sewers could be heard. The clacking of keys stopped as the front door opened.

The three watched as a drunken Raph and Mike stumbled into the lair.

"Oh Shell" Raph mumbled.

Leo shot Raph a 'what?' look.

A loud crash suddenly drew their attention back to the drunken turtles. 'Raph' and 'Mike' were both sprawled on the floor laughing. 'Don' came out of his alcove.

They watched as he shook his head before crossing to help 'Raph' stand.

'Come in Raph. Let's get you into the infirmary.'

'I dn't neeeed... or h'lp Doooonnnnniiiiieeeeee'

'Don' ignored his brother and steered him towards the infirmary

'I said... don't need or 'elp.' with that he swung out, connecting with 'Don's' left eye. 'Don' managed to stay on his feet, 'and I don't want you for a brother anymore.'

'Raph' was swaying back and forth when 'Don' grabbed him and forced him into the infirmary.

He came out a few moments later and saw 'Mikey' laughing on the floor

'Geez Don, not much of a ninja are ya... I mean Raphie could barely stand... 'nd he still gives ya a black eye.' he giggled.

'Come on Mike, let's get you to bed too.' The three turtles followed them.

Don got him settled on one of the other tables. That was when Mikey spoke,

'I don't need you for a brother anymore', with that he rolled onto this side, his shell to 'Don'

'Don' sighed before covering both his brothers. He set out aspirin, water, and a pail for both of them. He stood in the doorway for a moment watching them, then turned off the light and shut the door.

He tenderly touched his left eye, wincing he looked up and saw 'Splinter' standing in his doorway watching. He turned and 'Don' followed him.

Leo glanced at Mike and Raph before they crossed to 'Splinter's' room.

'My son can you tell me why your brothers are in their condition.'

'I do not know father. Mikey was actually defending me earlier and he and Raph got in a fight. I broke them up but Raph stormed out. Then Mikey left after he helped me straighten up the mess they made. I hadn't seen them until they came.'

'I see. My son it is your responsibility as leader to know where your brothers are.'

The three saw 'Don' hang his head. His shoulders slumped more and more with each word Splinter spoke.

'Hai Father.'

'Your brothers are having a difficult time with no word from Leonardo. You must be strong for them.'

'Don' gave a small sigh while Splinter spoke,

'Sensei, would it be possible for me to spend a few days away from the lair. I need some time to find my center again after tonight's events.'

'Splinter' looked at his second youngest. The position of Leader has put even more of a strain on the teenager.

'Perhaps that could be arranged. But why do you wish to do this at this time.'

'Master, I haven't left the lair in the last two months. I haven't even made a trip to the junkyard. I need some time to myself.'

'Splinter' thought for a moment, his hand stroking his chin,

'Alright Donatello, but you must promise me that you are doing this for your own good and not because you are running away from your problems.'

'Hai Sensei. I'll leave a note for Michelangelo and Raphael. I have already put aspirin, water and buckets out for them. Is three days too long Master.'

'No that is fine Donatello. Where will you be going?'

'I have a spot in the sewers I sometimes went to when life got to hectic when we couldn't go topside. I'll have my shell cell if you need anything.'

'Be safe my son.'

'I will father.' with that he bowed and exited the room.

The three turtles followed behind their purple-clad brother.

'Don' walked into the kitchen and got out one of the many icepacks they kept on hand. He held it to his eye has he crossed into his room.

He sank down into the chair at his desk.

Leo had never seen his brother so broken before.

'Don' suddenly stood and chucked the icepack across the room,

'GOD DAMN IT!!!' He yelled as he swung out, his fist connected with the wall hard enough to crack the stone. He shook his hand as the pained raced up his arm, 'god damn it.'

Mike and Raph remembered seeing Don's bandaged hand when he had returned home three days later. They never asked about it, their only concern at the time was getting the apology Splinter said they owed Don out of the way. Now actually seeing what had happened that night they both knew Don deserved far more than a simple apology. They also understood now what he meant when he said he couldn't spare the energy to always forgive them anymore.

The three brothers looked at one another before everything went black again.

* * *

_Ok, just in case anyone is confused. These were a select few memories of Don's that his brother's relieved to show them Don at various points in his life. As well as to remind his brothers of the 'other gifts' he has._

_This was chapter and the next were pushed out through writer's block, so I may end up coming back and redoing or simply removing them later._

R&R


	21. Scarred Heart, Bruised Soul

A **really big thank-you** and partial credit for writing a part of this chapter goes to Quoth the Raven, who helped me turn the writer's block wall that had built its self around this fic, into a pile of dust and rubble

--

Chapter 21

Memory after memory they went through, only this time they saw from Don's point of view. There were good memories: Mike and Don hiding together under the bed as Leo and Raph fought; Don and Leo playing chess; Raph and Don working on Raph's motorcycle. The four of them lounging out at the farmhouse, watching movies together.

_But there seemed to be more bad than good. There were overheard conversations, teasing remarks not meant to hurt, but did anyways. The number of names they had called their brother, both in jest and just to be mean. Numerous times where he was unintentionally and intentionally left out of games being played or random moment spent together._

_There were also memories that they probably were meant to see. Discussion between Donatello and Splinter, private things he had never shared his brothers. It was after the memory of when Leo was ambushed by the foot and Shredder that they realized just how much Don sacrificed for their family._

_It had always seemed to them that Don didn't feel emotions as strongly as them or some times, that he never even had any. But they now knew that Don did feel and apparently they were as strong or stronger than anything his brothers had ever felt._

_They now knew that he had the ability to shove his emotions aside, lock them away until all that remained was calm, cool logic and a collected mind. But when he gave himself the chance to just let it out, everything seemed to magnify, each emotion became more intense the longer it had to wait to be let out._

_The thing was he choose to ignore the one thing that could help him handle everything the most: his family._

_As they dropped into that black void again; Leo, Raph and Mike couldn't help but wonder what was next._

_

* * *

_

The three found themselves once again in darkness, but this time something was different.

_The coldness was the first thing he noticed as he came to. His eyes slowly opened as he sat up and looked around. He saw both Leo and Raph a short distance away._

_"So where are we now?" Mike asked as he crossed to his older brothers, offering them a hand up. The three looked around the dreary looking place._

_There was no color to speak of; everything was black, white and gray. There was no landscape really to speak of either. There were lots of rocks and boulders, but no greenery, no plants... there wasn't a whole lot of anything in this place._

_But then they heard the voices,_

"_Wimp." "He's to busy with his computer to play with us Sensei." _"_Donatello, we cannot move forward in training until you master this skill." _

"_When you gonna learn to fight?!" "Donatello, you have fallen behind again." _"_Why do we always have ta protect him? Even Mike can defend 'imself."_

"_I'm tired of them too, but we can't move on until Donnie gets it. Maybe Sensei could give him extra lessons." _"_Raph and Mike can do it. Can't you." _

_"For someone so smart you sure can be stupid." _"_Smart-pants." "Sissy." "Our game's probably to dumb for him to play." _"_Crybaby." _

_"Tattle-tale." "Why can't you just be normal?" "Big Baby." _"_In English brainiac." "I don't wanna be Donnie's partner. I wanna be Raph's."_

"_I have never admitted this to anyone, but myself Ms. O'Neil, but I do not understand Donatello. I never have." "Man, Don can be such a jerk."_

"_Can't you just speak English like the rest of us?!" __"What you think because you use big words means you're better than us." "Nerd."_

"_Leo junior." "I don't need you for a brother." "I don't want you for a brother." _

"_Perhaps, I made a mistake in making him leader in Leonardo's absence."_

"_You aren't Leo. You never will be Leo. So quit trying to act like him!"_

_Guilt descended on all three, but it was another voice, one that was familiar, yet different that caused them to worry and start to run..._

_"He's not coming back." "They don't need you." "They don't want you."_

_"Everything was just fine until Leonardo left and you took over as leader."_

_"You __**failed**__"_

_"You're nothing but a disappointment."_

_"How could you ever think you were good enough."_

_They skidded to a stop when they found the source of the voices._

_It was a dark gray colored turtle with a black mask. Repeating those harmful words over and over. Mimicking painful memories, bringing back sorrows. It slowly circled, taunting a figure that sat with his hands over his ears, his face buried against his knees, his shoulders shaking with sobs..._

_DONNIE!!!_

_Mike was the first to react,_

_"Leave Donnie alone" he cried as he rushed forward to help his brother only to run into..._

_"What the hell?...Mike you ok?" Raph asked as he and Leo helped their youngest brother to stand._

_"Ummm... ow" Mike shook his head and rapidly blinked his eyes to bring the world back into focus._

_Leo reached out a hand and was confused when he touched something solid,_

_"What the hell is that?" Raph asked._

_"… I think… I think it's more like a mental block. Don put it up to keep the fear out...only, I think it back fired and he's trapped with the fear." Leo said._

_"So that scary looking dude is Don's fear come to life..." Mike asked, clearly confused._

_"I guess so…" Leo replied._

_Raph had stopped listening and was currently pounding on the invisible force between them and Don._

_"Snap outta it Donnie!" He yelled, pounding as hard as he could. But neither figure heard him; the dark turtle continued to circle, taunting. Don remained huddled on the ground, trying to ignore the words._

_The darker turtle let out an evil chuckle at Don's whimpering and pleas to stop._

_As they stood there watching fraternal instincts began to kick in as the over empowering need to protect a brother in need, that suffered, to get back what was theirs._

_Raph pounded that much harder on the shield separating them from Don, as the instincts grew stronger. His little brother needed him was the only thought in his head. _

_"God Damn it Donatello! Let it go!!" he emphasized each word with a punch to the shield, "RAAHHH!" With that cry of rage, he hit the shield again..._

_Only this time something happened. A sound as loud as a gunshot ripped through the air; a large crack became visible on the shield._

_"Whoa" was the only thing Mikey could think of to say, but it was the almost whispered response heard that caused the three to freeze,_

_"R-Raph?"_

_There was a moment when time seemed to stop as they couldn't believe what had happened or what they had heard, but when Mike saw the crack began to disappear, he jumped forward catching the edges with his fingers. _

"_A little help here guys." He gasped as he tried desperately to keep the crack from closing._

* * *

Leo came too with a gasp. Leaning forward, he braced himself on his hands as best he could against the floor without falling on Don.

He could hear Raph and Mike gasping as well.

"What the hell?" Raph wheezed as he finally sat up.

"Wha' happ'ned?" Mikey asked as he lay on the floor.

"I have no idea." Leo was finally able to manage as he looked at his brothers.

Mikey was sprawled out on the floor to the right of Don, still looking rather pale from whatever the hell that was that just happened. Raph wasn't as pale, but seemed rather dizzy as he sat to the left of Don.

Leo was sure he probably looked somewhat out of it to his two brothers as he tried to sort out what he saw and learned from their little trip.

"My sons" Leo heard Master Splinter call as he turned his head towards the voice. The room swayed slightly at the sudden movement, but Leo closed his eyes and focused on his breathing for a few moments. He cracked an eye to see if the room was still moving, but the dizziness had passed as he looked up at Splinter, "Are you alright?"

"Peachy" came Raph's reply. Leo glanced over at his red-clad brother to see that Raph apparently thought Mikey had the right idea and was lying on the floor next to Don.

Leo was beginning to agree and leaned back against the couch.

"Ok...who else thought that was really weird?" Mikey asked as he propped himself up on his good arm.

Raph gave a grunt in response, but pushed himself back up into a sitting position. Looking over to his weakened brother, he wondered for a moment if the wounds they'd seen could ever be fixed, if the damage was just too big… _Nuh-uh,_ he thought, viciously cutting off that morbid fear. _Ain't happening. Don's come back from worse'n this, he can beat this too. _

_Yeah, but that was only worse on his body,_ the snide inner voice he hated so much reminded him. _This is something you can't fix with bandages or a cure cooked up in a lab. _Raph told the inner voice in graphic detail exactly where it should go and what to do with itself when it got there, and looked back down at Don.

"He looks like he's sleeping," Mikey mumbled, hope warring with doubt in his voice. He wanted to believe that Don was just sleeping now, wanted to believe it so badly he could _taste_ it, but he'd seen what was inside his brother, what he'd put there and helped others to put there, and he just couldn't be sure of it at all.

"So what happened in there?" April asked anxiously. "You all were so still, then you collapsed like you'd been through the wringer. Did you find Don?"

The three of them looked at each other, silently. Each of them knew that they could never reveal what they'd just seen to anybody, except for Splinter. "Sort of," Leo tried to hedge the question. "We'll have to go back in and-"

"No, my sons," Splinter interrupted, his whiskers twitching in unease. _What is this aura surrounding them? This taint of guilt and shame and fear? What did they see?_ Fear began to flow through his bones, not just for his unconscious son but also for the other three as well. "I shall enter Donatello's mind myself. You are not strong enough to return so soon. You require rest. Tell me what you experienced that I shall need to know, and let me –"

"No." And it was spoken by all three at once. Quietly. Firmly. As one. "Sensei, we need to go back. I…" Leo hesitated. Should Splinter know of the pain inside Don, or not? It was bad enough they'd glimpsed into his very soul, which should be held private – indeed, sacred – but to have Splinter see it too? Yet their sensei had as much need to know of Don's needs and pains and terrors as they. _What should I do?!_

But before Leo could come to a decision, Mike noticed that something was wrong with Don.

"Donnie?" the youngest whispered when he noticed his brother's face was contorting and it seemed as though he was having some internal battle.

"Whatya thinks going on in that head of his now?" Raph asked as he gripped Don's arm in worry. No one could answer him because even with everything they learned while in Don's head, there was still so much about their brother they didn't know.­

* * *

"_Raph? M-Mikey?" They were here, his brothers were here. Weren't they?_

"_Don't try and fool yourself into thinking that they were here." that malicious voice said, "They weren't really."_

_A small whimper escaped as Donatello wrapped his arms around himself. 'But I heard them… I heard them.'_

_The darker turtle laughed, "You actually thought they were here. Why would they waste their time trying to help you now when they've never done it in the past."_

* * *

Raph caught Leo and Mike's eyes, a silent conversation passing between the three. Donnie was fighting to come back, but needed help.

"Sensei, Don has trapped himself within his own mind to control his fear. When we finally found him, Raph was able to crack whatever mental block Don had up and Mike tried to keep it open when it was closing back up. Only we were suddenly thrown out of Don's mind. I think he's trying to tear it down, but he… he can't do it alone."

"Leonardo?"

"He needs our help… He needs your help father."

* * *

'_I heard them.' He drew himself in tighter, trying to block the words._

"_Even if they were, why do they think they were even trying? Hmmm?"_

* * *

The confusion was clearly seen on their father's face, but as he studied each son, he began to understand. As much as they wanted to tell him what they had seen and learned, they could not because, Splinter realized, what they had learned were things so personal and private that telling would be breaking the last bit of trust Donatello had with them. It would mean breaking the very trust that made them brothers.

"Alright my sons, relax your minds. Positive thoughts and concentrate all positive energy on your brother."

* * *

"_I heard them." He whispered quietly over and over, like a mantra. _

"_They were probably just feeling guilty and were trying to ease their conscience."_

"_I Heard Them." _

_The crack Raph had created and Mike had kept open, began to grow. As it did, Donatello could feel a warmth come in, blanketing him, surrounding him. Giving him the confidence to face the darkness that had taken control of his mind._

"I HEARD THEM!" _He shouted, the words echo against the invisible prison he had trapped himself. _

_The crack began spreading and when a deafening roar, it shattered, raining down around the two figures._

_The silence that followed stretch on, surprise marring both faces, but as Donatello found the energy to stand, the dark turtle whispered a warning as it faded,_

"_You may be free now, but I will always be here."_

* * *

Raph was the first to notice the change, the whole room seemed calmer, more peaceful. But it was Don's eyes slowly blinking open that he him breaking the silence.

"Guys"

Splinter moved so that he was kneel between Leonardo and Raphael. After so long, there was that spark back in Donatello's eyes,

"Welcome back my son." He said as he gently stroked his son's brow, "Welcome back."

* * *

Well, what do you think? Don't forget to R&R


	22. Nothing Left

Chapter 22

Don woke up the next morning alone in the middle of the living room. Slowly sitting up, he closed his eyes as he felt the world tilt slightly at his movements. Carefully he opened them and let out a sigh when the feeling of dizziness past.

'Oh man my head. What the shell happened?'

He looked around, suddenly realized where he was, 'Why am I at the farmhouse?... and more importantly how did I get here?' gasping when he tried to move his right arm. Looking down he looked questionably at the sling his arm was in and gingerly touched the bandage covering his shoulder.

He sat there for a moment trying to gather his thoughts. Then slowly began to remember everything, well everything up to the point where he saw the DVD.

Pushing himself up off the floor, he headed into the kitchen.

Catching sight of the clock in the kitchen as he made some coffee, he wondered where everyone was; he really wanted some answers. As he leaned against the counter waiting for coffee maker, a book caught his eye.

There was nothing unusual about it but it seemed familiar. Reaching across the table he snagged it and sat pondering it for a moment. As the last dregs of sleep left his mind he realized what it was.

"My journal?" he said out loud, "but what is it doing…"

A laugh from outside caught his attention. His eyes narrowed as the anger began to rise.

He stalked outside, the screen door banging on the side of the house. All eyes turned to him at the sound, staying on him as he walked down the porch stairs and across the lawn to stand in front of them.

Raph had released Mikey from the headlock he had him in; Leo was slowly starting to rise from his position next to Splinter. April and Casey stood off to the side, their eyes were bright with amazement.

"Donnie! You're awake." Mikey started to run towards his brother only to be stopped by the death glare sent his way, "Donnie? You ok bro?"

He tossed the journal on the ground, landing at Leo's feet, his eyes going from one person to the next. He propped his good arm on his hip, one eye ridge raised, "Anyone care to explain?"

Leo, Raph, and Mikey all traded glances with one another; they all shared one thought "uh oh"

"Umm, well see…" Mikey started before Leo placed a hand on his shoulder silencing him.

"It's my fault Don. I found it when we were packing to come up here after your episode of seeing the Elite tape. I thought it might help us understand why you were so angry."

Don narrowed his eyes on him, "So rather than speaking to me about it Leonardo, you invade my privacy and read my journal?!" He spoke very softly, very slowly. As though he was making sure he had understood what Leo had just said.

"Don we didn't mean to for you to find out like this. We were all going to sit down and talk about it with you, but what with your recent condition it wasn't like we could actually talk to you about it. We just…"

Don held up a hand to silence him, "We?"

His gaze shot to Raph and Mikey who were doing their best not to look him in the eye.

"You all read it?"

"We are sorry my son. We only had your best interests at heart."

Don turned his back on his family as he tried to compute this new development.

"Don, we just didn't want to see you so mad anymore"

Leo made the mistake of placing his hand on Don's shoulder.

He spun around, slapping away Leo's hand.

"OF COURSE I WAS MAD! YOU ABANDENED US! FOR TWO YEARS WE DIDN"T KNOW IF YOU WERE ALIVE OR LYING IN SOME GODFORSAKEN JUNGLE DEAD! FOR TWO YEARS LEONARDO, NOT ONE WORD. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU DECIDE TO COME BACK AND EXPECT ME TO WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS!?! YOU ARROGANT SELF-RIGHTIUOS BASTARD!"

He waited for Leo to respond.

Seeing Leo couldn't seem to form an answer, Don smirked and continued,

"That's what you were expecting wasn't Leonardo?! Calm, quiet, level-headed, reasonable Donatello will instantly forgive you for everything you put him and everyone else through for the last two years, without an explanation or apology, just like he always does. Well guess what big brother, you weren't the only one whose learned things over the last two years. I realized that I don't have energy it takes anymore to forgive and forget all the time. You want to know how I learned that little lesson, Leonardo? Hmm? Oh wait you already know since you read **my journal!**"

Don saw his family cringe at that,

"So tell me Leonardo when did I learn that little lesson? You just said yourself you read my journal to know me better. So tell me, when did I learn it?!"

Don stood, his good arm holding the one in the sling against his plastron, feet planted wide. A scowl painted on his face. His eyes coal black, waiting for his answer.

"Don't know? Maybe Michelangelo or Raphael could help you. They were there."

Don turned to his other brothers with a pointed look,

"Well? Can either of you two help out _Fearless Leader_? Come the two of you must remember the night. No? Hmm can't say I'm all that surprised. How about you father? Can you help Leonardo?"

Everyone gaped at Don. Never in his life had he used such disrespect towards his father.

"You were there as well _father_. You saw and heard what happened. I talked to you about it. I asked for your help after and what did you do? Come father you do remember what you said after I asked you to allow me to leave for a few days."

Splinter's whiskers flickered in irritation, his eyes narrowed on his son.

"You told me not to run away from my problems."

A hard laugh escaped from Don,

"My _drunk_ older brother had hit me and told me he didn't want me. My _drunk_ little brother said he didn't need me. My oldest brother was in some jungle, playing hero. And you tell _me_ not to run away from my problems. _I was the only one not running!_"

"Donatello. You will speak to your brothers and I with respect."

Don's eyes narrowed at his father's words,

No one dared make a sound, not even the birds in the trees. The clearing was silent. Everyone had always thought a pissed off Raph was bad. They were about to be reminded, however, that a pissed off Raphael had nothing on a pissed off Donatello.

"That's what you have to say to me? After the last two years of being verbally bashed by Raphael and Michelangelo. I am to speak to them with respect! After doing nothing but trying to hold this family together and getting no help from you about I position I've never held nor wanted, I am not allowed to speak my mind?!"

His voice was so quiet by that point that. It was then that a thought made its self-known. His eyes suddenly widened at its presence,

"You expected me to fail."

Everyone froze at the accusation. Splinter took a step back as though physically struck.

"Leonardo has always been your favorite. He goes away, you put me in charge and big surprise I'm no Leonardo. And you hate me for it, just like Raphael.

You blamed me for Leo not being there, just like Michelangelo. I had failed before you even named me leader.

Being Donatello wasn't good enough to be leader."

That last part broke something inside Don.

The fury he had held inside, all this time, carefully locked away, exploded within him, running through his veins, screaming to be released until everything was gone.

"WHY DID EVERYONE EXPECT ME TO BE AS GOOD AS LEONARDO?! I DIDN'T VOLUNTEER TO BE LEADER! I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE! I AM NOT NOR WILL I EVER BE HIM! WHY DID EVERYONE THINK I COULD GO FROM BEING DONATELLO TO LEONARDO!!!"

His brothers, father and friends stood there.

"Don, I know the last two years have been hard, but can't we just…" Leo started

"This isn't just about the last two years, Leonardo. My whole life has been about how I have never measured up to you, to any of you. I never had Mikey's natural athleticism, Raph's warrior instincts or your devotion to ninjitsu. It didn't matter how many things I fixed or built, how I made our lives easier…"

He gave a strange laugh as he scrubbed his good hand over his face before continuing,

"Hell, it never matter how many times I saved our shells after Mikey gave us away or Raph rushed into things or your brilliant plans fell apart _O'Fearless Leader_. The only thing I have ever been measured by is my fighting skills."

He suddenly became very silent, starring off into the distance.

"Don?" Leo took a step towards him. Don spoke without even looking back at them,

"I'm not just a brainiac, I'm not a machine. I have feelings, dreams, fears. Why couldn't any of you ever see that?!"

"You lock yourself in your room, your lab. You never say and we can never tell when anything is wrong or if you have just gone into your own world. How can we know if you never say anything?" Raph cried. He hated feeling guilty and helpless. And chose instead to focus on the anger that all of this had triggered. He knew and prefered the anger to feeling helpless, confused and guilty.

Don's eyes instantly swiveled to Raph's, "With all the drama you, Mikey and Leo create every day of our lives...do you really think I'm going to add to it by tossing in my problems. For Christsake Raph...you all come to me to fix every little thing...toys, shell cells, household appliances, LIMBS...do you really think I would even feel like I could talk to you guys about anything I was going through. None of you could ever relate to anything that I was going through and you still can't...After everything we've been through...time travel, the Shredder, our everyday lives even...the three of you cannot relate to me on any of those experiences. I can barely even get you guys to listen to me about the normal, everyday stuff I do and you think I'm gonna be able to sit you guys down and get you to understand what I'm going through and feeling."

Don looked away from his family. His gaze went to the forest, staring at some point off in the distance, at something only he could see.

"It's not like any of you cared anyways." He continued, his gaze remaining on the trees.

"How can you say we don't care Don? You're our brother, of course we care." Mike stated in dismay.

Silence reigned over the group as they waited for Don's answer.

"Then why don't you ever ask?" the answer was so soft had they not been silent, they would not have heard him.

"I'm just suppose to fix everything, listen to your problems, your worries, your feelings. Be there to comfort when things become too much. Chase away the nightmares…

Who was there to listen to me? To take the weight off my shoulders? Comfort me when things started to crumble? Who was there to chase my nightmares away in the night?

You were gone, you hated me and you blamed me." He pointed at each brother in turn.

He heard a gentle voice say,

"Donatello"

He looked over at his father who walked slowly to stand before him,

"You have always been the one your brothers turned to for comfort. Even as babies, not even able to talk. When one of them cried, I would often find you next to them trying to help. As you grew older, your brothers were so much more out going, it pains me that I allowed you to fade in the background, but there were very few occasions where you sought attention or needed me for anything. You were so independent, even as a child, and so very different from your brothers. I never truly knew what to expect from you. You were the last to speak; yet you could read before I could teach you and your brothers. Your fascination with electrical items in our home and your curiosity about the world in general was so great that I worried you would hurt yourself or worse in your desire to learn. Yet where you seemed to excel in everything you did, the one thing I truely understood and could teach you, you did not want to do. Fighting was never in your nature. You were the peacekeeper in the family, yet you learned because it was what I wanted. You learned because your brothers were learning; because you didn't want to be left out from what your brothers were doing."

Donatello's eyes fell away from his father, but he listened as Splinter continued to speak,

"It was not easy raising four young ones, but I did the best I could. Unfortunately I feel that it wasn't enough in your case. I have no excuses, but I do wish that you know how much I love you and how proud I am of person you have become."

Splinter gently cupped his son's face and lifted it so they were looking eye to eye but seeing the tears in his second youngest son's eyes, Splinter knew just how much they had hurt him.

"Why did you expect me to fail? Why did you make me leader already knowing I would failed at it simply because I wasn't Leonardo? Why did you hate me for not being Leo?" Donatello's eyes pleaded with his father to make him understand.

Splinter gently wiped the few tears that escaped down his gentle son's face,

"Donatello, I never hated you for not being Leonardo; your brothers and I were hurting over Leonardo absence and I know you were as well. I placed you in the role of leader because for the very reason that I knew you wouldn't let this family fall apart. Yes, we became distant for one another, but you kept us anchored together. You have always been the one to keep your brothers grounded, from flying so high or far away that they could not return. The one to catch them if and when they fell.

I saw how you asked Raphael for help in those first few days, only to have him turn away from you because his anger clouded his eyes. He allowed his anger at Leonardo for leaving and me for placing you as leader to lash out at you.

How you tried to comfort Michelangelo and how he soon pulled away from you as well.

I saw you trying to do everything you could to keep from breaking apart when you realized your brothers had distanced themselves from you.

How you went into the world and found a job so you could purchase medicines when I became ill, so you could put food on our table, so we were not a burden on Ms. O'Neil and Mr. Jones.

And how you locked away all the pain, fear, disappointment, anger, sadness these last two years has brought. In this way you are like Leonardo. You both kept your emotions locked away. You are there for your brothers when they need you, but you both fail to see that they are there for you as well. Leonardo will open up to you after some time and persuasion on your part, but you keep everything inside.

You did not fail my son. You did everything you could to keep our family safe and together. Yes you made mistakes, but all leaders make them. It is how they learn… it was how Leonardo learned. The only difference was Leonardo had you and some times Michelangelo to back him up against Raphael, while you had only yourself to stand against him.

Your brother has never taken well to following orders; your older brother and I have been trying since the day I found you four. I failed to realize just how much my placing you in the role of leader would affect him."

Don had gained some control over himself, letting his father's words be a soothing balm to his aching heart.

But it wasn't enough. His father's words were too late to stop the hate that had began to grow in his heart. It was growing now and Donatello didn't know how to kill it.

Splinter was shocked when Donatello pulled himself out of his grapsed and stepped back away from them all.

"I'm sorry father, but where were these words when I was struggling and asking for help. I can't keep forgiving everything and never get anything in return."

Don continued before Splinter could say a word, his gaze locked on his brothers,

"My brothers have told me they want the old Donatello back. I don't think he can ever come back Sensei."

"Why is that Donatello?"

"Because that Donatello never had his brothers abandon him. That Donatello never heard his brothers tell him they didn't want or need him. That Donatello never had his brother strike him in anger." and then almost too quietly to hear, he added, "That Donatello never saw the disappointment in his father's eyes when his father realized he wasn't Leonardo."

He paused for a moment and looked into his father's eyes,

"I lost myself Sensei. I don't know who Donatello is anymore. I've worn this mask of who everyone thinks I am for so long that I've forgotten who I am beneath it."

He was tired of acting like nothing happened. He just wanted to stop feeling for a while. The anger and fury finally seemed to be gone. Finally he was free of it. He continued much softer now, almost as though he was ready to shatter in thousands of pieces,

"I can't do it anymore. I can't give anymore. The only thing that was left in me was this anger, this fury. Now... now everything is gone and I'm feel empty. There is nothing left in me. I can't…I just…" He felt numb. He desperately wanted to cry and scream but couldn't. He wanted to hit and pound on something.

He was exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally.

His family had bled him dry. And they hadn't even realized it.

Slowly he turned away from them and ran.

He just ran. He didn't see or know where he was going. He just ran.

He heard someone call out to him, but ignored it and ran into the woods.

* * *

Well what do you think?


	23. No Going Back

Chapter 23

"Donnie wait!" Raph called out as he watched his brother disappear into the trees. A hand on his shoulder stopped him from following. He turned to see Mikey standing behind him; his sad eyes locked on the same spot Raph had been staring at only a moment ago.

"Sensei" he turned to his father.

Splinter too had his eyes trained on the spot where his son had disappeared. Hearing Raphael's voice he shook his head,

"Leave him be Raphael. He needs time. If he is not back by mid-afternoon, then we will seek him out." With a sigh, he turned and entered the house. Raph watched his father before turning back to Leo and Mikey.

However, Leo was already making his way over to the barn and Mikey had disappeared. Sighing, he crossed over and sank down onto the porch.

--

Don ran.

He didn't know how long or how far. By the time he stopped he was at the orchard.

His shoulder was throbbing... his breathing heavy... his vision blurry.

Bringing his good hand up to his face, he noticed it came away wet. The tears he couldn't shed before were coming out in full force now.

He tried desperately to get control over his rampaging emotions. He hated that he couldn't.

He finally just collapsed against one of the trees and let everything out.

--

He didn't know what to think or to do.

Knocking a bucket that lay in his way away with one of his crutches, he watched as it bounced into the door of a stall before coming to rest a few feet from it.

'Why didn't I see? How could I not?'

--

A slight rustling in the leaves alerted Don to the presence of another. He felt no threat and after a moment knew who it was,

"I know you're there Mikey. So you might as well come out." He said just loud enough to be heard.

--

Raph sat on the porch stairs, his eyes still trained on that spot his little brother had disappeared at.

He only looked away at hearing the clang of something being kicked or thrown from inside the barn.

He sighed, 'how had everything fallen apart? How did everything get so bad?'

His genius little brother was hurting and his own family was the reason for that pain. Guilt like nothing he had ever felt before desended on Raph's heart.

He stood when he heard the roar from the barn.

--

He had followed slightly behind Don, knowing that Splinter had said to give him time, but Don was injuried and there was no way he was gonna risk losing him.

When he heard Don call out to him, he silently dropped down from the trees and just stood there watching his brother.

The turtle in front of him was not the Donatello he knew and grew up with. The turtle in front of him was broken; his eyes were dull, there was no spark of life and intelligence that Mikey had always associated with Don. His face was pale, it held no emotion or expression. The turtle in front of him was not his brother.

--

Kicking at random things that were in his way didn't help, throwing his crutches didn't help, hitting his fists against one of the stalls didn't help. Nothing helped release the guilt, the anger, the frustration, the pain...

He let out a roar before collapsing against the side of the stall.

The tears ran freely as he buried his eyes against his hands,

"I'm sorry Donnie...I'm sorry..."

--

"Don I..."

"Just don't Mike. Just don't... I don't really want to hear anything right now."

Mike didn't really know what to say any ways. He knew an apology wouldn't fix anything. It was too late for that and Don didn't really want one at the moment.

With a small sigh, he crossed to his older brother and just sat next to him, braced against the tree, staring off into the distance.

--

Raph watched from the doorway of the barn as his big brother cried and apologized to their little brother, even though he wasn't there.

He knew that an apology wouldn't fix this mess. He had no idea what would, but they would find one. He didn't care what it took. They would find a way.

_They had too._

--

"Ummm...Don?"

He didn't look over when he heard his little brother speak, merely angled his head to show he was listening,

"I know you think we want the old Donatello back and I know you said didn't think he could come back, but..."

He glanced over when Mike paused,

"But...?"

"Even if he can't come back...do you think Donnie could?"

--

Leo looked up and saw Raph standing in the doorway and scrubbed a hand over his eyes as Raph crossed to him.

Neither said a word as Raph lowered himself to the ground next to Leo. The silence stretched out as both waited for the other to speak.

--

Don looked over at him in confusion and seeing the look on his brother's face, the orange-clad turtle knew he needed to explain,

"I don't really care if Donatello comes back, but I don't know what I would do if Donnie didn't."

"There's only one me Mike."

Mike shook his head,

"Donatello is the mechanic, the doctor. The one who locks himself away in his lab. The one who repairs the lair and never sleeps. Donatello never laughs, he doesn't have time for silly things.

Donnie is the one who checked under my bed for monsters, holds me close after nightmares, sleeps in a chair by my bed when I'm sick. Donnie plays jokes with me and pulls his own when even I stop smiling. He keeps Raph and Leo from killing one another. He keeps me safe. He makes sure I'm happy.

Donnie is my big brother while Donatello is...well...not."

--

Splinter sat, trying to meditation. The words his gentle son had spoke ringing in his mind and weighing heavy on his heart.

_'That Donatello never saw the disappointment in his father's eyes when his father realized he wasn't Leonardo.'_

With a heavy sigh, his shoulders dropped and his head fell to his chest. He did not know if his family would recover from this.

--

For a few minutes neither spoke but then without even realizing he was doing it, Don reached over and gently pulled his little brother to lean against his good shoulder. Mike returned the one arm embrace and wrapped his good arm around his big brother's waist.

"I don't know Mikey...I... I just don't know."

Mikey didn't look up at when he quietly spoke but without knowing it, Don had already given him an answer and hope as well.

He knew Donnie was in there somewhere. He had been hurt and was waiting for his brothers to find and help him.

--

"What do we do Leo?"

Raph had finally broken the silence and sat waiting for Leo to answer.

Leo didn't have an answer to give. He didn't know what could fix this or even if they could fix it.

"I...I don't know Raph."

Raph merely gave a short nod. He knew that was the answer he would get, but a small part of him had hoped his big brother would prove him wrong.

A long time passed before Raph spoke again,

"Let's go find Don"

--

Mikey felt more than heard the sigh Don let out,

"We should head back."

They finally released the one arm hold they had on each other. Mikey stood first and offered his hand to his normally purple-clad brother who took it after a moment of hesitation.

--

They were half way back to the farm when they ran into Leo and Raph.

Neither pair said anything as they stood watching one another.

If this had been an ordinary day, one would just have assumed they had paired off much like they always had. But today wasn't an ordinary day.

Today three brothers had learned just how broken and lost the fourth was. While the fourth had realized just how much he had changed and only wanted to go back to the way things were. But much like that future he had survived and his 'brothers' had died in, much like the time he had mutated into a monster and nearly hurt his little brother...

...there was no going back.

There was only forward and trying to learn how to live life once again.

------

This is not the end of the story. Chapter 24 is already in the works and hopefully I'll be posting it with in the next week.


End file.
